


Three Questions

by TellHipHopImLiterate



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, someone will die and i'm afraid of tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 02:13:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10866873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TellHipHopImLiterate/pseuds/TellHipHopImLiterate
Summary: Gratitude, Joy, and Sorrow asked a question. About love. And what it felt like to fall in love.And what it felt like to lose the person they love.Or.Jongup and Yongguk met and fell in love and now they must navigate their lives and future together.





	1. Gratitude

**Author's Note:**

  * For [awildneko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/awildneko/gifts).



> This is like a two-two and a half year project that I've been working on and I can't believe I finally get to post it! this is for my friend charley because her birthday was on the fifth and i was in a slump until i found this again. i hope you enjoy, charley! and happy [very, very late] birthday!

_What was it like to love him? Asked Gratitude._

Jongup threw the last of his water colored paper against the wall and shouted in agony. Why is art so hard? Why is his major even art? He flopped on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

"I heard abuse. What happened?" his roommate, Junhong, asked him.

"Watercolor is hard. Why does she assign us this?" Jongup demanded.

Junhong gave him a sympathetic smile. He knows his friend has been staying up this past week at three in the morning to finish his project, but it was hard on him.

"I think you need a break," Junhong told him.

"I need a new major," Jongup told him when Junhong lifted him up from the bed.

"You say that every time you don't want to finish your art project. It's raining outside! Why don't you look out the window and get your inspiration from that?" Junhong suggested.

He looked out the window and saw that Junhong was right. The rain was coming down. But the scene in front of him was what made him view the world in colors.

He could barely make out the streetlights, but the lights glowed luminously, with the cars that were passing by were in a haze. The cars in front of the apartment he was sharing with Junhong were pretty much lonely in the rain in front of him. He grabbed a scrap piece of paper and began to draw what was in front of him. When he got enough watercolor paper, he was going to draw the shit out of this.

"There it is. I'll be right back. We need snacks," Junhong told him.

Jongup ignored him and continued sketching, but something was missing. Something needed to be added.

He grabbed a piece of regular paper and began to sketch everything out again, but in the view of a bay window. He finished it, but it still didn't look right. He then began to doodle in a girl, with a book in hand and admiring the rain.

It wasn't close to what he wanted, so he erased the excess hair and other things and drew her as a him and smiled. It was perfect.

The sketch was a boy, sitting by the bay window with a cat curled at his feet. The viewer couldn't see his face. Only part of his face, and Jongup made it that way.

"I'm back! The guy at the counter wondered what happened to us, since we were gone for a week," Junhong announced when he entered the apartment.

Jongup got up and made his way towards the living room. He sat down on one of the couches and looked through the delicious goodies that Junhong brought.

"Oooh, gummy bears," Jongup said, taking them for himself and opening them up.

"I thought you'd like those. By the way, what's the project for?" he asked as he began to open up a bag of chips.

"For some stupid art final. The theme is 'water'. Our professor told us that we either had to use water as our subject or use watercolors. I'm not gonna sit around staring at a glass of water for three hours just to paint it," Jongup told him.

"But you used rain. What if you use the two together?" Junhong questioned.

He could. It would make his teacher happy that he's using other techniques that isn't ink, too.

"First, I need watercolor paper. I used the last one in a fit of rage," Jongup confessed.

"Again?"

\-----

Jongup handed in his project and gave it to his art professor.

"Jongup, this is gorgeous," his art professor complimented.

"Thanks," Jongup accepted, smiling at her.

She doesn't need to know that he finished that piece of artwork at three in the morning.

"Hey, is it alright if I hang this at the art gallery?" she asked him.

The art gallery? The one for school?

"Uh…"

"It's a very prestigious honor, you know. At least for art majors. You may never know; you might get discovered," she told him.

Jongup had always wanted to get into that gallery.

"By the way, what's the name of your piece?" his art professor asked him.

Shit.

Jongup was never good with names

"Rainy Sunday Morning," Jongup answered.

His professor smiled softly and wrote it down on a piece of paper. He went back to his art horse and straddled it. He keeps forgetting to get a pillow for it.

Jongup grabbed his art supplies out and sent Junhong a quick text telling him the amazing news about his artwork. He put his phone on silent and stuffed it right into his pocket.

And now it was time to enter the art world.

\-----

Jongup stared at his art piece and smiled fondly. He did it. Well, he was close, but he did it. He has his artwork displayed.

In a college art show, but let him have his moment.

As he continued staring, someone stood next to him, observing the piece.

"It feels lonely," the person stated.

Jongup looked at the person. He was tall, with shaggy hair, a long neck, and holding a pamphlet about the exhibit. He wore ripped jeans, a large sweater, and a pair of boots. He seemed fascinating. And familiar, but he couldn't place why.

"Why do you think it feels lonely?" Jongup asked him.

"Well, the colors, for instance. It's mostly dark colors. The only bit of light color that's seen is the street lights, but even that doesn't bring much light into the picture," the person critiqued.

"But dark colors can also give a sort of light feeling inside. Just because the person is in a dark setting doesn't mean that the person is all that lonely," he argued.

The person was silent and placed a hand on his lips.

"I guess. I mean, he does have a cat by his feet and a book on his lap. But really, the painting – to me at least – feels lonely," he corrected.

"Yongguk! My bright stared pupil! I haven't seen you in so long," his art professor beamed, holding her arms out and smiling widely while walking up to him.

"Hello, Professor Kwon," he greeted.

"Please, you know I don't go by formalities by my former students. Oh, I see this art piece struck your fancy," she told him, viewing the artwork.

"I saw this man standing in front of it with interest, so I had to see what it was," the man explained.

"Well, there's a reason. Meet the artist of _Rainy Sunday Morning_. The colors contrast so well with the bit of light that Jongup uses," she explained.

The man looked at Jongup and smiled softly at him. Jongup felt a little strange, but it was a good strange. He couldn't explain it.

After a few minutes of Professor Kwon rambling about his artwork, she finally left to harass another student.

"She gets really excited during art shows," he explained.

"I noticed," Jongup joked.

It was silent between them for a few seconds.

"I'm Yongguk, by the way," the man introduced.

"Jongup the artist, at your service," he introduced, giving him a small smile in return.

"Jongup! There you are. I've been looking all over for you in this gallery. This place is huge," he heard Junhong call out.

"Why didn't you text me?" Jongup asked, reaching for his phone in his pocket.

It turns out he did.

"Oh, that's why," Jongup muttered, stuffing it back in his pocket.

"Yeah, 'oh'. Himchan is treating us for celebrating a job well done on our finals," Junhong explained.

Junhong then noticed a man next to Jongup, who seemed to be standing there a bit awkwardly.

"Hi," Junhong greeted.

"Hello," Yongguk greeted awkwardly.

"Junhong, Yongguk," Jongup introduced.

Junhong nodded his head at him.

"If we hurry, there'll still be food there if Daehyun didn't eat the entire thing," Junhong begged.

Jongup turned his attention to Yongguk.

"It was nice meeting you," Jongup told him, walking behind Junhong towards the restaurant that they were supposed to meet Himchan.

\-----

Jongup and Junhong walked the streets of Seoul towards where they were supposed to meet Himchan. It was a celebration, almost, of passing their finals and for Youngjae and Daehyun to finally graduate college.

"We're picking where we want to celebrate when it's our turn to graduate," Junhong complained.

"It's _fine_. Besides, he's treating us to something expensive. That's gotta be a plus," Jongup pointed out.

"Yeah, but in this part of town?" Junhong questioned.

"There you two idiots are. Come on, everybody's already here," Himchan greeted when the two came up to the restaurant.

"We have no car and the bus dropped us off two miles away and its frigid cold outside," Jongup explained.

Himchan ignored them and ushered them inside the restaurant. The two immediately felt the warmth rush towards their face and bodies. They followed behind Himchan and sat down next to Youngjae and Daehyun. However, Jongup saw a familiar face.

"Hello again," Jongup greeted.

Yongguk looked up and smiled softly.

"Oh, so you're _that_ Jongup," Yongguk concluded.

"I hope Himchan has said nice things about me," Jongup told him, grabbing a napkin and placing it on his lap.

"Oh, he's told great things about you. Junhong, however, is a different story," Yongguk explained.

"Yeah, whatever," Junhong simply said, waving off Yongguk's comment.

"So, I heard you two passed your classes this semester," Daehyun told them.

"Yeah, well, when you have a painting that's been displayed at the college art gallery, they think you should pass with flying colors," Jongup explained, looking over the menu.

"What are you two majoring in, anyway?" Yongguk asked them.

"I'm majoring in Art with an emphasis in animation," Jongup answered, taking a sip of his water.

"I'm majoring in child psychology. I wish to be a psychologist for young kids," Junhong told him.

"Youngjae majored in photography while Daehyun majored in cooking. I, however, majored in business with an emphasis in fashion. I wish to become the next Yohji Yamamoto," Himchan answered.

"I thought you wanted to be the next André Kim," Youngjae told him.

"Well, him, too," Himchan answered.

"What do you want to design?" Yongguk asked him.

"I'm undecided right now, but I hope to create wedding dresses in different styles and colors. Wedding dresses shouldn't be just plain white, you know," Himchan answered.

Jongup smiled softly at his friends. He took a peak over at Yongguk and saw a small smile on his face. He seemed to be enjoying it, too.

"So what's everybody going to order?" Himchan asked.

"I want to hear what Yongguk majored in," Jongup told them.

Everybody looked at Yongguk, waiting for an answer.

"I majored in Art with a heavy influence in Art History," Yongguk explained.

"So you want your paintings to be in LACMA?" Jongup asked him.

"MOMA more than anything. Anywhere, to be honest," Yongguk corrected.

"We'll all find what we're made for. Now let's order. I haven't eaten all day and I'm _starving_ ," Daehyun told them.

\-----

The smell of the coffee shop lingered in his nose. Jongup likes working here, he does. Sometimes, he wants to actually leave and never come back.

"One soy latte with extra espresso and three shots of vanilla and four shots of cherry. If you give me extra shots, I will know," the irritated business woman ordered, typing away on her phone.

Jongup likes to call her angry lady. Mostly because every time she comes into the coffee shop, she's never happy. At all. She also orders the most bizarre drinks. He knows that she's trying to get him fired, but he won't mention that to his manager.

"That'll be seven-fifty," Jongup told her.

The angry lady handed him a ten. When Jongup gave her the change, she stuffed it inside her purse, not even bothering to place the loose change into the tip jar. He figured, anyway.

"Next, please," Jongup called out. He looked up and saw Yongguk typing away on his phone.

"Hi, what would you like to order?" Jongup asked him.

Yongguk looked up and smiled at a familiar face.

"Well, hello there. Himchan told me you worked at a café. I just didn't know which one," Yongguk told him.

"I would love to stay and chat, but it's the morning rush," Jongup pleaded.

Yongguk chuckled and nodded his head.

"Alright. I'll take a medium shaken iced passion tango iced tea," Yongguk ordered, taking out his credit card.

"Ooh, fancy," Jongup teased, taking the credit card and swiping it on the register.

"What can I say; I'm a fancy person," Yongguk teased back, accepting his card.

Jongup let out a small laugh and wrote down what Yongguk wanted and set it aside for him to make.

After taking orders and giving them to the other worker, he was finally able to converse with Yongguk, who was on his third drink.

"You must be feeling really thirsty if you're still here," Jongup joked, wiping down the counter.

"Or maybe I just like the company," Yongguk retorted.

Jongup raised an eyebrow and looked around him. There were a group of teenage girls, two adult males that were relaxing before the day begins, and an older woman who always orders sweet tea because she said it 'reminded her of her youth'.

"Yeah, company. I'm sure that's it," Jongup dryly said.

Yongguk laughed and finished his third iced tea.

"Well, I bothered you enough today. I'll leave you alone now," Yongguk told him, grabbing his belongings and leaving the café.

Jongup rolled his eyes and threw away a couple of plastic cups that the teenagers left behind.

"Hey, was that your boyfriend?" one of his coworkers asked him.

Jongup stared at her for a few seconds.

"Oh! No. God no. That was just a friend I know," Jongup explained.

"Oh. Well, you two seemed really close, that's all," she said.

Jongup said nothing. He continued to clean up the place as best as he could before the lunch rush began.

\-----

The summer came and went. Many didn't do much. Himchan took an internship with a fashion company to learn about the trade and what to expect, as well as how the fashion industry ran. Youngjae and Daehyun both worked overseas somewhere. They started up a food blog, and that was loads of fun for them.

Junhong took a small job as a receptionist for his cousin to get the feel of the job. It's not what he's after, but it's something he can do to pass the time.

Jongup, meanwhile, stayed at the café to serve drinks and continue his education in the summer. (He didn't pass a class his freshman year of college, so he decided to take only one class to get him to pass.) Yongguk was rarely heard from and Jongup was the only one who has seen and heard from him. The only reason why is because Yongguk would always make his way towards that small café. Jongup learned that he, too, was taking an internship, but it was at a local art museum to study different paintings and artwork.

"Ugh, I can't believe summer is over already and we're starting school again," Junhong complained, taking a sip of his iced tea.

"I was already in school," Jongup muttered, taking a bite out of his watermelon.

"I'm so glad that we don't have school anymore," Youngjae told Daehyun, who both high fived each other.

"Yes, but you two are unemployed," Himchan pointed out.

The smiles on their faces soon faded into frowns and stared at the table. Junhong and Jongup snickered as they continued to eat their watermelon.

"You two could find internships, I think," Yongguk offered.

"I got an internship offer where Himchan interns. I can go intern there with one of the photographers," Youngjae said.

Himchan stared at him, but soon turned his attention to his paperwork his boss made him sort out.

"I'm looking for restaurants that would accept a cook in their work. I already have experience working in the kitchen," Daehyun said.

"You used to work at fast food," Junhong pointed out.

"Look, no one asked you," Daehyun snapped.

Junhong smirked, knowing he got a rise out of him. Jongup doesn't understand why he couldn't grow some balls and ask Daehyun out.

That was something else for another day.

"It still counts as experience," Yongguk offered.

"Meanwhile, Junhong and I have another year of school to finish and that's not gonna be fun," Jongup complained, taking another bite out of his watermelon.

"Look on the bright side, you won't have to find another job until next year," Youngjae said.

That didn't make him feel any better.

"That's shitty advice," Himchan told him.

"I didn't say it was good advice. I said it was a bright side," Youngjae explained.

"Still a shitty bright side," Junhong muttered, taking another bite out watermelon.

"My sister knows someone who can help you volunteer for psychology," Yongguk offered to Junhong.

"Seriously? That would be great! Which reminds me, I should leave. My Psych class starts in twenty minutes and if I get there late, I'll get a shitty seat," Junhong told them as he got up from his seat and began to make his way towards his first class.

The five watched him go and disappear into his car.

"I don't have a class for another two hours," Jongup announced.

"Sweet, then you can tell us about that place downtown that serves that duck you were talking about," Youngjae told him.

\-----

_Five months later_

The days passed by in a blur. Jongup continued working at the coffee shop, giving each regular a nickname to go with their attitude.

Yongguk, however, became a regular and he keeps bugging Jongup what his nickname was before they met. Now Jongup realized why he looks so familiar.

"I'm not telling you! Besides, it wasn't a nickname I came up with," Jongup told him, serving another customer their drink.

"I won't feel insulted. I promise!" Yongguk pleaded, giving him a small pout.

Jongup was about to slap that pout off his face.

"Fine. We used to call you scary art student," Jongup confessed, wiping down the counter.

Yongguk furrowed his eyebrows. "Why?"

"You're resting face made you look angry. Like you were angry at something. And you always drew something in that huge art book of yours," he explained.

Jongup was soon afraid. He was afraid that Yongguk would say something mean or nasty, like the other customers that have heard about their nickname.

Nope. That wasn't what he did.

Instead, he laughed.

"Oh god, that's good. I haven't heard that one since high school," Yongguk commented.

And now he was confused.

"What?" Jongup questioned.

"It was an old high school nickname. My resting face makes me look angry," he explained.

Jongup smiled fondly and let out a small giggle.

"I'm sorry. I'm trying to picture you in high school with your art supplies and everything," Jongup told him.

Yongguk smiled and took another sip of his iced tea.

"Jesus, why don't you two just date already," Junhong complained.

Oh yeah, Junhong was there.

Where did he come from?

"Excuse me?" Yongguk asked.

"You and Jongup have so much sexual tension going on, our neighbor is starting to feel it," Junhong explained, taking a sip of his own coffee.

Jongup rolled his eyes. He and Yongguk don't have any sort of sexual tension.

Idiots.

Meanwhile, Junhong continues to watch the two flirt with each other while he tries to keep down his lunch. The two are so obvious, but they don't see it. The others notice it, too, but these idiots are too dumb to even notice that one likes the other.

Or maybe they don't know?

"I'm leaving," Junhong announced.

He looked at the two of them and saw that they were continuing to bicker with each other. Morons. He left the café and made his way towards Daehyun's place, since it's the closest nearby and it's where the plan is forming.

"I still don't understand why it has to be my apartment," Daehyun complained when Junhong entered inside.

"It's close, it's easy to find, and Yongguk and Jongup don't know about it," Himchan explained.

Daehyun rolled his eyes. He still doesn't understand why it has to be here.

"Come on, where's your sense of planning?" Youngjae teased.

Daehyun glared at him.

"Okay, enough. We're not here for that. What we're here for is to figure out how to get Yongguk and Jongup together at last," Himchan interrupted.

"This is stupid. They're both too stupid to realize that one likes the other. Or to realize their own feeling," Junhong states.

"That may be true, but we still need to plan," Himchan states.

The four sat there, thinking.

"I still say we just throw them in a closet and force them to realize they like each other," Youngjae states.

"Yes, because nothing says romantic like Yongguk and Jongup being locked in a closet," Himchan sarcastically said.

"Besides, Jongup is claustrophobic," Junhong stated.

They all sat together in thought. It was still a bit difficult.

"Oh, I know! Reverse psychology! I can use that technique on Yongguk and it'll be great! _And_ it'll work!" Himchan told them.

"I can do the same with Jongup. He's a bit easy to use reverse psychology on," Junhong offers.

"Excellent. Now, time to put the plan into action," Himchan said, grabbing Junhong and forcing them out of the apartment.

Meanwhile, Youngjae and Daehyun stared at them leaving, trying to figure out what just happened.

"Twenty bucks says that Himchan asks Junhong by the end of the month," Youngjae declared.

Daehyun shot his best friend a look.

"Excuse me?" Daehyun demanded.

"I mean, come on. Those two are so in love with each other that it's embarrassing. Why? Do you like one of them?" Youngjae asked. He likes this game.

Daehyun clutched a piece of paper he didn't know he had in his hand.

"Of course not. That's silly," Daehyun told him, trying to even convince himself.

Daehyun ignored Youngjae's knowing glance. He doesn't like Junhong, no way.

Then again, Youngjae didn't say anything about liking Junhong.

"Well, I'm off. I need to get to a job in the next hour and if I don't leave, I'll miss it," Youngjae told him, leaving the apartment and away from Daehyun.

\-----

"Are you sure this is gonna work?" Junhong asked him.

"Of course I'm sure. Those two are so dumb and they won't realize what's going on. Now come on and use reverse psychology on your friend," Himchan urged.

Junhong groaned, but did as he's told and made his way towards Jongup in the library, who appeared to be studying something about anatomy.

"Why is there a lady with a baby in your book?" Junhong asked him.

"That is the inside of a pregnant lady who is about to give birth," Jongup answered.

Junhong stared at the picture in question. It looked so graphic and disgusting. How could Jongup stand looking at this?

"If you're going to keep making faces at the pregnant lady, I suggest you leave," Jongup finally said, shooing him away.

"Actually, I need your advice on something," Junhong requested.

"Now? We're in a library," Jongup points out.

Junhong looked around and saw a couple of people giving him dirty looks. Okay, so maybe it wasn't one of Junhong's best ideas to work his plans out in a library, but it was where he found Jongup. And dammit, he needs to set his plan into motion.

"I mean, unless you wanna do it in our apartment where that one sweaty dude has numerous sex next to ours. And believe me, they're loud. So, I don't think-"

"Let me finish this up and we'll have this conversation. Outside," Jongup interrupted.

Junhong saw one of the librarians giving them a dirty look and almost looked like she was about to throw them out. Junhong didn't blame her. He waited for Jongup to finish, which took about a few minutes before they were out of the library doors.

"Okay, so what is your advice?" Jongup asked him.

"Okay, so I may like this guy and we're actually good friends. I'm actually a bit scared to ask him out because I don't want to be rejected or anything. So, I was wondering what's your advice to asking him out," Junhong explained.

"Does this guy's first name start with Dae, ends in Hyun. Last name is Jung?" Jongup asked.

"What? No! Gross! I'm talking about Yongguk," Junhong corrected.

Jongup froze at that. Sure, Yongguk is attractive and he would never admit that he had some confusing dreams about the man, but why would Junhong go for him?

"What's your advice? What does he like? What color does he wear? Does he wear any underwear to-?"

"I'm gonna stop you there. I don't know any of those facts about him. Even if I did, you two wouldn't be able to last that long, anyway. You two have nothing in common and just last week, you two were arguing over the fact if science isn't real," Jongup listed off.

Junhong pouted.

"Well, you didn't have to say it like that. Besides, we like each other. Enough to stay in the same room, at least," Junhong said. "Well, then who would you think Yongguk should date? You?"

Jongup glared at him.

"That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that he needs someone to balance him out. Maybe express the same interest in him. Not just in art, but maybe with music or children or something," Jongup corrected.

"So pretty much you," Junhong said.

Jongup was about to strangle his friend.

The two made it to their apartment with ease, but Junhong continued to bug him about Yongguk and who Jongup believes should be dating him.

"Goddammit! I thought _you_ wanted to date him," Jongup snapped.

"Yeah, but you made a point that Yongguk and I would be at each other's throats. I mean, he's my role model, no doubt, but sometimes I wanna punch him in the nose," Junhong said.

"Then why are you bugging me about liking him?" Jongup asked.

"I said nothing about liking him, but do you?" Junhong questioned.

"Motherfucker! Yes, I like him! Are you happy?" Jongup growled, glaring hard at him friend.

Junhong smiled proudly at him. Jongup just realized what he said. He just admitted to his friend that he likes Yongguk. Sure, he and Yongguk have plenty in common and they do argue a few times about certain topics, but he didn't really think about it. He has thought about kissing Yongguk a few times and had a few confusing dreams about the older man, but he didn't really think he liked him romantically.

"Shit."

\-----

Himchan, however, was having a difficult time with his friend.

"Come on! Why won't you tell me who you like?" Himchan whined.

"Because I'm not in middle school anymore and who I like is none of your business," Yongguk answered without looking up from his laptop.

"I'll tell you who I like," Himchan offered.

"I think everybody knows who you like. It's no secret," Yongguk said. Those were some very expensive paints.

"Wait really? Who?" Himchan asked as he furrowed his eyebrows.

"It's it obvious? You and Youngjae have been bickering at each other like married couples do," Yongguk said.

Himchan felt his cheeks flush. It was true that he and Youngjae bicker like crazy, and there was one time when they were still in college that there was a drunken one night stand, but that wasn't the point.

"Well, it's not him. He and I are just friends. I was talking about Jongup," Himchan said.

"What about Jongup?" Yongguk asked, hovering the mouse key over the 'add to cart' on the screen.  
"I'm thinking of asking him out. He's so sweet to me. He bought me a bagel yesterday and an iced americano. I should snag him before someone else does," Himchan said.

Yongguk tore his eyes away from the screen and finally looked at Himchan. His friend looked like he was about to swoon. He thought about Jongup a bit. He is a sweet person, and he's always fun to talk to and have arguments about certain subjects. There was one time when the two brushed hands and he felt his heart quicken a bit.

"I don't think he's your type," Yongguk said, resuming his painting purchases and staring at the cost.

"And what, are you saying he's yours?" Himchan questioned, clearly offended.

"I mean, sure. We have similar interests and he is pleasant to be around," Yongguk answered absent mindedly.

Himchan smirked at this. He can ask his friend whatever he wants and he won't get in trouble for it.

"So are you saying Jongup is cute?" Himchan asked.

"In looks wise, yes. Even in personality. He's adorable," Yongguk answered as he began to take his card out.

"Will you say that you sometimes want to date him?" he asked.

"I mean, eventually. I would like to date him one day, but I don't think that's possible," Yongguk said.

"Would you say that you even like him romantically?" Himchan questioned.

"Romantically, yes," Yongguk finally answered.

As Yongguk began to rifle through his wallet to find his card, he just realized what he just said.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Yongguk shouted.

"Success!" Himchan triumphally said.

Yongguk only glared at his friend as Himchan began to walk away. However, he smiled to himself as he thought about what he said.

This was not going to turn out well.

\-----

"I can't believe that worked," Daehyun commented.

"I can. Jongup doesn't like to be annoyed and Yongguk will answer anything you ask him as long as he's very well distracted," Himchan said.

The four friends were eating at a local diner that they all agreed on.

"But their comments concern me. They keep saying that it's obvious that I like someone," Junhong said as he continued to take sips of his soda.

"Oh yeah? Who do they keep saying you like?" Youngjae asked.

Junhong rolled his eyes, but said nothing. Daehyun went back to what Youngjae was saying a few days ago. He looked between Himchan and Junhong, but it looked like the two didn't share an interest with one another. However, he didn't want to take his chance. Besides, Junhong was going to be away for a whole year to some psychology school for children. Daehyun played around with his fork and stared at Junhong's glass with interest.

"Hey, you okay there? You're spacing out on us," Youngjae pointed out.

Daehyun snapped out of his thoughts and smiled softly.

"I'm fine. What are we ordering?" Daehyun asked.

\-----

Jongup and Yongguk, meanwhile, were both at Yongguk's apartment, giving one another pointers about their art. Jongup noted that Yongguk's new project should have more color than just black and white, while Yongguk pointed out that Jongup should continue to work with watercolor, since Jongup seemed to have experience with it. Jongup, however, disagrees.

"It's not that I don't like watercolor. I just want to know what other art forms there are besides just what I'm used to. It's not fair to me as an artist because what if I have other ideas, but they're not for watercolor," Jongup pointed out.

"I see what you mean, but that doesn't mean you're restricting yourself for just one art style. I mean, look at me. I mostly use acrylic paint, but from time to time, I use oil painting and I dabble in colored pencil. I just like acrylic because I like the way the paint blends and how it pops out on the canvas," Yongguk explained.

Jongup only rolled his eyes and continued to make sketches in his sketch book.

"Himchan came over a few days ago. He seemed adamant about my love life," Yongguk said, hoping to change the subject.

"Really? Junhong did the same with me not too long ago. He kept bugging me about love advice and forced me to reveal who I like," Jongup said.

Jongup wished he hadn't said that.

"Who do you like?" Yongguk asked.

Jongup needed to come up with an answer. Or a way out of it.

"Um… what did Himchan want to know about your love life?" Jongup asked instead.

"Just some crush I may or may not have. It's nothing," Yongguk said.

"I'll tell you my crush if you tell me yours," Jongup challenged.

Yongguk wasn't entirely sure how he was supposed to respond to that. He didn't want to at all, but he knew he had to.

"It's okay if you don't want to. I won't pressure you into telling me," Jongup assured him.

"I mean, it's not a huge deal. Himchan said that I may like you and…" Yongguk trailed off, looking completely embarrassed.

Goddammit, he's a twenty-six-year-old man. Why is he blushing like a school boy?

"Really?" Jongup asked, feeling a bit hopeful.

"I mean, it's okay if you don't like me. I understand if you don't like me or anything. You don’t have to say you like me back to make sure my feelings aren't hurt, but-"

Jongup stopped Yongguk by kissing him on the mouth. Jongup was surprised by his bold move. He was even more surprised that Yongguk is even kissing him back. The two broke the kiss and stared at one another in the eyes.

"So, what now?" Jongup asked.

Yongguk didn't really think this through. He couldn't actually believe that he would like someone, much less get the person to like him back. Relationships were the farthest from his mind, but here he is.

"I don't know. Do you, maybe, wanna go on a date?" Yongguk asked.

Jongup smiled softly and nodded his head.

They'll figure it out on the way.

\-----

As the months began to drift by, Jongup finally wanted to know the answer that he asked Yongguk so long ago.

"What now?" Jongup asked again.

And again, Yongguk doesn't have the answer. Jongup and Junhong were pretty much almost done with school. Daehyun, being the charismatic person he is, blurted out to Junhong that he has a crush on him and that they should date. Junhong agreed and for some reason, continued to date him. Himchan and Youngjae, meanwhile, refuse to date on account of not having feelings for one another, Despite the fact that the two moved in to Himchan's new apartment and continuously having sex. Yongguk and Jongup… that was a different story.

"We've been dating for a few months now. We've kissed a few times and you've held my hand in public. Are we… are we boyfriends?" Jongup asked hesitantly.

This was what Yongguk was trying to avoid since he was in high school. However, he can't deny that being with Jongup made him feel happy. And the word 'boyfriend' even made his head spin and his heart flutter a bit.

"Yes. That's exactly what we are," Yongguk finally answered.

Jongup smiled widely at Yongguk's statement. It surprised Yongguk a lot about this, but to be honest, he couldn't have it any other way.

\-----

After a year of dating, Jongup and Yongguk moved into a new apartment, since Junhong left to North America and Daehyun following right behind him. Jongup talks to Junhong occasionally and Junhong sometimes visits whenever he has time. The two would go on numerous of dates, but sometimes they would get a bit uncomfortable whenever they go out.

Mostly due to the fact that people would stare at them like they were a new attraction at the zoo.

So, Jongup would cook at home and get food. Sometimes Yongguk tags along, but otherwise Yongguk stays home to continue his numerous projects that he has to do for his clients. Today, Yongguk decided to tag along to the grocery store.

"Eventually, you'll have to do this without me," Jongup told him.

"Until then, I'll let you do the shopping," Yongguk said.

Jongup rolled his eyes, but smiled when Yongguk kissed his cheek with so much affection that Jongup had to smile a bit.

"Hey, can I cook this time? I was thinking of shrimp and crab pasta," Yongguk said.

"Listen, I still have the taste of the last dinner you attempted to make," Jongup told him.

Yongguk ignored him and dumped some pasta noodles into the cart and began to make his way to the seafood area.

"We have to manage our budget, mind you," Jongup warned him.

"I know. The shrimp is on sale. Four pounds for two dollars, Jongup! That's a great deal," Yongguk assured him.

"I swear to god, if you fuck this up, you're cleaning the pots and pans," Jongup warned.

"Yeah, yeah. Hey, what sauce do you want?" Yongguk asked as he began to look at the different crabs that are on sale.

"I don't know. You're making it," Jongup said, picking the cheaper of the crabs and placed it in the cart.

Jongup was startled a bit when he felt a pair of familiar arms wrapped around his waist.

"But I care what kind of sauce you want. You like so much," Yongguk whined.

Jongup liked seeing Yongguk like this. He liked seeing the cute side of Yongguk that only he got to see. Jongup twirled around so that he's facing Yongguk and pecked his lips.

"Fine. Use the garlic butter sauce. That way it'll get the flavor in just right," Jongup told him.

"And this is why you're in charge of shopping. I wouldn't think about the flavor," Yongguk said.

Jongup laughed and went to kiss him again, until the two heard someone clearing their throats. Yongguk and Jongup pulled away, clearly embarrassed, when they saw an older woman with three of her kids who kept staring at them with wonder. Yongguk grabbed the garlic butter sauce and placed it in the cart. The two began to pull away, but not before hearing the older woman.

"Fucking disgusting, those two. We should exterminate them," the woman muttered to herself, but it was obvious that Yongguk and Jongup were meant to hear.

\-----

"Jongup, it wasn't that big a deal-"

"Not that big a deal? Yongguk, she called us disgusting. She even threatened us. How is that not a big deal?" Jongup demanded.

"Look, I don't know if we'll ever see her again. Most likely not, but she didn't harm us. She just said an empty threat and moved on with her sad and pathetic life. She could've done worse than that," Yongguk assured him.

"I know, but it still bugs me. Her kids are going to hate people like us because we're different. What, we're supposed to hide in the shadows until this idiotic backwards country finally makes sense? I don't think so. I'm not going back into that closet just because some idiot lady thinks it's okay to make an empty threat," Jongup stated.

"I'm not saying we're going back in there. I'm saying that we need to be careful. And that we shouldn't care what people think of us. Now, do you want to help me in the kitchen to make shrimp and crab pasta?" Yongguk asked.

Jongup took a deep breath and stared at him.

"Nope. I'm gonna relax and watch television. You go ahead and make it," Jongup said, shooing him off as he began to turn on the television set and browsed around the channels.

It ended up being Jongup ordering take-out because Yongguk accidentally burned the pasta.

\-----

They stared up at the night sky. It was so beautiful, yet so far away.

"That's Cassiopeia, the upside-down M. The story goes that she insulted either Hera, the god of marriage, or the sea nymphs, Poseidon's daughters, by saying she and her daughter are the most beautiful of them all," Jongup explained.

"How do you know so much about these stars?" Yongguk asked him.

Jongup shrugged.

"I paid attention in Astronomy class, I think. Oh! That one is Orion and his belt. And off to the left is Sirius, his dog. It is said that Orion was once a giant from Greek. He insulted Gaia, the earth mother, by saying he'll kill all the animals on the planet. She murdered him by using a serpent, which is why the serpent and Orion are never together at the same time," Jongup explained.

Yongguk looked at the younger and saw how bright his eyes are. He smiled and laced his fingers with his.

"However, Ophiuchus, the Serpent Bearer, revived Orion with an antidote. This is said to be the reason that the constellation of Ophiuchus stands midway between the Scorpion and the Hunter in the sky," he finished, looking at the stars.

Jongup felt Yongguk's eyes boring into his head. He turned his head and saw Yongguk giving him a soft smile.

"What are you looking at?" Jongup asked, a hint of amusement in his words.

"You. Your eyes light up every time you talk about the stars," Yongguk told him.

Jongup felt his cheeks heat up and turned his attention back to the stars.

"I was thinking of creating a character based on the stars. The character would be female, and she came from the stars and she's a superhero. I was thinking her name would be Nebula. I don't have much, but I think it'll be fantastic," Jongup rambled on, trying to create something for the silence.

Yongguk, however, continued looking at him and smiled as his eyes began to brighten from just talking about his huge art plan.

"Hey, you want to know something?" Yongguk asked.

Jongup hummed and returned his attention to Yongguk.

"I love you."

\-----

"He said what?" Junhong asked him.

After Yongguk dropped him off last night, he went straight to his room. The next morning, Junhong decided to show his face, so he immediately poured out what happened the night before. Needless to say, Junhong wasn't at all surprised.

"He said he loves me," Jongup repeated, feeling his cheeks heating up.

"And what did you say?" Junhong asked.

Jongup opened his mouth, but no words came. Wow. This seems familiar.

"You said nothing?" Junhong screeched.

"I panicked, okay! I mean, who does that? It caught me off guard," Jongup admitted.

"You're gonna have to say it back, you know," Junhong told him.

Jongup was silent.

"Oh god, you don't love him?"

"I didn't say that."

"Your silence gave you away."

Jongup groaned in frustration. Yes, he loves Yongguk. With all his heart. But it's not something a person says out of the blue. They have to mean it.

So then why did Yongguk say it?

"Maybe I should ask Yongguk why he said he loves me," Jongup thought aloud.

"That's never a good thing to ask," Junhong told him.

"Why? I mean, that way I can figure it out. Do you even know what I said to him when he told me he loved me?" Jongup demanded.

Junhong was afraid of what the answer was going to be.

"All I said was 'thank you?'. I mean, who does that?" Jongup asked.

Junhong sighed and rubbed his eyes with his hand in frustration.

"How is it that you managed to be in a relationship?" he questioned.

"I ask myself this question every day. Now help me!" Jongup demanded.

Junhong sighed and thought about it.

"I think you should just ask him. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?" Junhong questions.

"Careful, you're stepping into Murphy's Law," Jongup warned.

"Like I said, just talk to him. Go with whatever plan you're thinking of. Maybe what made him love you will help you figure out how you may love him," Junhong said, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I think you confused yourself there," Jongup stated.

"Yeah, I figured. Anyway, go! Win your man!" Junhong shouted.

Jongup gave him a strange look, but ignored him and began to make his way towards Yongguk's apartment.

\-----

Yongguk began to start a new project in the living room. He needed an art room soon, but he's too lazy to convert his office room into an art room. He heard someone trying to buzz into his apartment. He walked over to his door and pressed the intercom.

"Hello?" Yongguk called out.

"It's Jongup. I need to talk to you," he heard Jongup's voice call out.

Yongguk pressed the red button to buzz him in and walked back towards his couch to finish the new art piece. Jongup's got his key (curtesy of Himchan), so he can let himself in.

"Oh, what's this?" Jongup observed, staring at the new painting.

"It's a new project I'm working on. I'm working on light and color," he explained.

The room around them was now silent. And awkward.

"Why are you here?" Yongguk asked, dipping his paintbrush in a soft teal paint.

"I wanted to ask you something," Jongup confessed, taking a seat on the sofa.

Yongguk stopped and set the paintbrush in the teal paint.

"About what?" Yongguk asked, his attention solely on Jongup.

Jongup seemed hesitant about his wording. He fiddled around with the bottom of his shirt.

"When you said you love me, can I ask why?" Jongup asked him hesitantly.

Yongguk was taken aback a bit. He didn't know how to respond to that at all. How can he explain why he loves this man so much?

"I don't know, to be honest. There was something about the way you spoke about the stars, how there was some sort of glint in your eye when you were talking about your future project and… I don't know," he answered.

Jongup sort of understood what Yongguk is talking about. He lowered his head and played around with one of his bracelets.

"Hey, don't worry about it. You don't have to tell me now. I'll wait for you," Yongguk told him.

Jongup smiled softly at him and kissed him softly on the lips.

"Thanks. This is still new to me. Hey, there's a new art gallery that just opened up. Do you maybe want to go?" Jongup asked, biting his lip.

Yongguk thought about it. He did need to stretch out his legs. Besides, going to an art museum could give him some sort of inspiration.

"Sure. Why not. I need to get out of the apartment anyway," Yongguk said.

Jongup smiled widely. The two got themselves ready and began to make their way to the art gallery.

\-----

The art gallery was packed, something that Jongup didn't really anticipate. However, Yongguk didn't seem to mind. In fact, it seemed that Yongguk wanted it to happen. Jongup liked people sighting with Yongguk from time to time, but he hoped that it'll be a special gathering with just the two of them. However, he didn't mind anymore.

"This one is by Degas. He was obsessed with ballerinas that it became his focal point. And this one is Dali. He's a very famous surrealist painter that created dreamlike paintings that no one would dare touch. Oh! And this one…"

Jongup smiled softly at Yongguk's ramblings about different art pieces, ranging from excited exclamation, to boring facts about the art piece. The fact that Yongguk is in the zone right now, not even caring about what's going on, it made Jongup… happy.

"Hey, you want to know something?" Jongup called out, hitting his shoulder gently to get the older's attention.

Yongguk turned his head and looked at him.

"I love you."

_It was like being exhumed, I answered,_

_and brought to life in a flash of brilliance._


	2. Joy

_What was it like to be loved in return? Asked Joy._

 

"So you actually said it this time?" Junhong asked him.

"Yeah. I mean, it was a spur of the moment type of thing. Like Yongguk said, you know. When he explained why he told me he loved me and why he said it, he told me he just knew. He saw me in my own zone, that he saw my eyes light up. When I told him, I told him with the exact same reason as him," Jongup explained.

"Okay, I didn't understand a word you just said, so I'm going to pretend I did. Anyway, so what now?" Junhong asked.

"I don't know. We've only been dating for a year and a half. We still have a lifetime together, you know. I'm not saying marriage is up there, but it's a lot further down from my list. Now, we just support one another," Jongup answered.

"How sickly sweet. Speaking of, Daehyun is finally done with culinary school and is looking for a job in Seoul, while I'm finally coming home from psychology school. One of my old professors recommended me at a child psychology ward in downtown. I might take up on that offer," Junhong said.

Jongup felt a bit weird. Here's Junhong, already knowing what he's going to do already. Jongup has been sending in applications and some of his drawings to whatever animation company is willing to take him. He sent in a few designs for _Nebula_ , but so far, nothing has happened.

"Yongguk is working on some freelance stuff for people who are willing to pay. I might start doing that, too," Jongup admitted.

"But your drawings are more for animation stuff. You shouldn't have to sell yourself short just because no company has hired you," Junhong assured him.

Jongup only sighed. He didn't know what to do. He can't really dump all of his feelings and worries and self-doubt on Yongguk. It's not fair and he can't do that. That's not how a relationship works.

He'll just have to worry about it later.

\-----

Jongup woke up to the sound of something in the house going off. He looked at his alarm clock and groaned. He didn't want to get up right now. He wants to sleep some more. But the noise _won't stop_. He crawled out of bed to inspect what was making that noise. He walked out of the bedroom and saw Yongguk blowing away some sort of smoke out the window.

"What are you doing?" Jongup asked him, rubbing his eyes awake.

Yongguk jumped and turned around to face him.

"It… it was supposed to be a surprise," Yongguk explained weakly.

Jongup furrowed his eyebrows. He looked around the kitchen and noticed what he was attempting to do.

There were cracked eggshells all over the floor, pancake batter messily thrown on the counter. (And the ceiling, but he won't mention that.) The only thing that seemed to have survived was the orange juice.

"You cooked breakfast for me?" Jongup asked him.

"Well, attempted," he corrected, looking at the cooking disaster.

"Why? You know you're a terrible cook," he asked.

"You must still be sleep deprived. Look at the calendar and you'll see," Yongguk said.

Jongup looked at the calendar and saw it was February. He walked closer and saw a giant red circle, as well as some days crossed off.

It's his birthday.

"You attempted to cook for my birthday?" Jongup asked, turning his attention back to his boyfriend.

Yongguk sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck and nodded his head. Jongup laughed and walked up to him, kissing him softly on the lips.

"That's the sweetest thing you've ever done. Right next to getting me that stuffed cat for our anniversary since we can't have an actual cat," Jongup told him.

Yongguk smiled fondly at the memory.

"Well, you deserve the best. After all, it is your birthday," He told him.

Jongup hummed in response.

"Can we go out to eat? I'm pretty sure that breakfast is a little ruined," Jongup requested.

Yongguk looked at the ruined breakfast that bestowed him.

"Let me get dressed and find my wallet," he answered.

Jongup smiled and let go. The two walked up to their bedroom to get dressed and have celebratory birthday breakfast.

\-----

A few months has gone by. So far, a few of his animation companies continue to reject his small project. Jongup wasn't really disappointed. He knows that there will be a few setbacks. He has to face rejection eventually. However, he keeps getting rejection letters one after the other. This was starting to get frustrating.

Jongup just came home from working at a retail store that he really wants to quit, but can't because he needs the money to pay for rent and utilities and food. He grabbed the mail from the shared mailbox with the other renters and went up to his own apartment via elevator. After a couple of minutes, he walked up to the apartment. He reached into his pocket and found his keys. He unlocked the door and walked in.

"Jongup?" he heard Yongguk call out.

"I'm here," Jongup called out, closing the door behind him and setting his keys down in the bowl.

Yongguk came out of whatever room he came out of (but he knows it's the art room) to greet him. Jongup set the mail down on the kitchen table and began to sort through them.

"Hey. How was work?" Yongguk asked, kissing the younger's forehead softly.

"Ugh," Jongup answered.

Well, that didn't seem good.

Jongup found a letter with his name on it from a company he applied to and grabbed it. He tore it open and read the letter, and then soon balled it up and threw it against the wall. Yongguk walked toward the balled piece of paper, opened it, and read it.

"They rejected _Nebula_?" Yongguk asked him.

"I mean, I know she can be improved, and that she could have a different color scheme, but why do they reject her? Is it the style? The characters? Am I…"

Jongup felt the tears brimming from the corner of his eyes.

"Am I not good enough?" Jongup asked.

They rejected him earlier, Yongguk thought. That's why he's like this.

"Hey, no, come here," Yongguk told him, bringing him into a hug.

Jongup clutched onto the older's chest and finally let the stress of the past week rush through and the tears soaked through Yongguk's painted shirt.

"Listen, you _are_ good enough. You're a fantastic artist and a fantastic storyteller. Someone will see your potential and they will accept _Nebula_ ," he told him.

He weakly nodded his head. He hated crying in front of people, especially in front of Yongguk. He let go of him and began to dry his eyes.

"Better?" Yongguk asked him.

He only nodded his head. He then choked out a laugh.

"You're right. Maybe these companies won't support _Nebula_ , but someone else will," Jongup told him.

"That's the spirit! Now, you have a deadline that's coming up soon. Just because you're working on _Nebula_ doesn't mean that you should ignore your responsibilities," Yongguk told him as he began to push him towards the art room.

"Yes, mother," Jongup said sarcastically.

The two made their way to the art room and didn't leave until late in the afternoon.

\-----

"Hey, Jongup," he heard Yongguk call out.

Jongup looked up from his painting and saw Yongguk walking into the art room. Jongup looked like a mess. He had paint on his face and a few specks of white in his hair. Jongup's clothes looked even worse.

"Is this a bad time?" Yongguk asked.

"Working on a small project. This painting has been bugging me all day," Jongup said. "Why, what's up?"

"Youngjae just texted me. He said that he wants to get everybody together for dinner. And they have a surprise for you," Yongguk said.

Jongup thought about it. It's been a while since the six of them have gotten together and ate something. Mostly it's been with one or the other getting lunch or breakfast.

"I swear to god, if Himchan gets me a stripper cake again-"

"It's nothing like that. Believe me. I told Himchan not to do that again," Yongguk told him.

Jongup was a bit weary on that statement, but agreed to go anyway. He needs to get out of the house anyway.

"What time do we leave?" Jongup asked.

"Two hours."

\-----

And two hours later, Jongup and Yongguk arrived at the restaurant with ease. Jongup saw his friends easily and saw beside Youngjae and Junhong. Yongguk sat beside Himchan and Daehyun and all six of them began to converse with one another.

"How's the fashion business?" Jongup asked Himchan.

"Well, I'm an intern right now, but you won't believe what happened. So, you know how I doodle my designs in my notebook when I was in college?" Himchan asked.

"Vaguely, but continue," Daehyun said.

"Well, I accidentally left my notebook out getting my boss her coffee, and coffee for everyone else, when my notebook disappeared. My boss called me into her office and said that she was impressed with my design. Now she wants me to design her wedding dress," Himchan said.

"You mean her wedding line or…?" Junhong asked.

"For now, her wedding dress. She's been looking for the perfect wedding dress for months. She's getting married in five months, so I already started," Himchan said.

"What about you, Youngjae? Don't you work in the same department as Himchan?" Yongguk asked.

"Well, it's nice, I guess. A lot of the models are so pushy. They even tried to get me to airbrush something from her face, even though I told her that she's not allowed to tell me what I should fix," Youngjae recalled.

"Oh yeah. Didn't she threaten you that she'll find a way to get you fired?" Himchan asked.

"She did. However, the photographer that I'm interning said not to worry about it. I did the right thing and I shouldn't have to worry about her. He said that there might be a bright future for me. The other interns are not happy about that," Youngjae said.

Before Youngjae could say further, or anybody could comment on Youngjae's statement, their waiter arrived, taking everybody's order. Jongup looked at Yongguk, who smiled fondly at him.

"So what's this surprise that Yongguk was talking about?" Jongup asked.

The five stopped talking and began to shift a bit. Jongup could tell that they looked uncomfortable.

"Yongguk came to me and said that you kept getting rejected at all of these animation companies. He said that he wished he could do something to get _Nebula_ off the ground. Now, Yongguk had no idea what we planned to do. We took it upon ourselves and applied to whatever animation company we found. Junhong was mostly in charge of trying to find the right animation company. From gaming systems to television shows and even to movies. And… well," Himchan started.

Jongup couldn't believe this. He wanted to do this on his own, not getting his friends to help bail him out. He glared at Yongguk, but Yongguk looked like he didn't want to look Jongup in the eye.

"Hey, it's not his fault. Anyway, this is good news," Youngjae said.

Jongup saw each of his friends holding out a piece of paper and handing it to him. Yongguk even had some papers, too. It wasn't just a few pieces of paper, but numerous ones.

All of them acceptance letters.

"Wait, I don't understand," Jongup said, obviously confused. He doesn't know what to make of this.

"We got a few copies of _Nebula_ from Yongguk because he forced him to and sent them to all of these companies. There were some rejections, but these are all acceptances. You can choose whichever one you want," Daehyun explained.

Jongup looked through all of the acceptance letters. Some were companies he has heard of, but others seemed newer. Almost all of them were videogames while only two or three were from television shows.

"I… I don't know what to say," Jongup said. He almost wanted to cry.

"A thank you would suffice," Daehyun muttered, earning a slap over the head from Junhong.

Jongup smiled widely and finally let a few tears slip from his eyes and down his cheeks. Soon, their food arrived and Jongup quickly dried his eyes so that their waiter won't think he's weird.

"So, what's your choice?" Junhong asked.

Jongup looked through all of the acceptance letters. He didn't know who to choose.

"I'll get back to you on that," Jongup answered.

For now, they enjoyed their dinner and enjoyed one another's company.

\-----

Jongup and Yongguk made it home safely. The two took off their shows and made their way into the living room.

"You're not off the hook yet. You're still in trouble," Jongup told him.

"I figured. Look, I didn't know that Himchan would do this. I just told him my troubles, like I'm sure you do with Junhong when you complain about me. A week later, he tells me his plan with the others, which I extremely disagreed with," Yongguk told him.

"Well, it's still sweet of them. But next time, please tell me. I felt like I wasn't doing enough to get accepted on my own," Jongup said.

"I'm hoping there won't be a next time. Anyway, what company will you choose?" Yongguk asked.

Jongup wasn't sure. He needed to do his research before he decided on what company will take on _Nebula_. In fact, he needed to create a story in case they want to know more about her. He has so many ideas for her.

"I'll need to do my research and create a few more characters for it to be just right. Now if you'll excuse me," Jongup said.

He grabbed his laptop and began to do his research on the companies that wanted his artwork.

"You do that. Meanwhile, I'm going to work on a new sketch. This business company is driving me nuts," Yongguk said.

Jongup felt Yongguk kissing the top of his head as he began to walk towards the art room. Jongup smiled softly and began to continue his research, while at the same time writing his new story. After a few hours of looking through the several companies that accepted him, he finally picked the one he wanted.

"Well, it looks like _Nebula_ is gonna be a video game," Jongup muttered, happy of his choosing.

\-----

Jongup stepped into the elevator of the videogame company that he was going to present _Nebula_. He wasn't entirely sure what the company wanted and when he emailed the owners of the company, they just said that they'll discuss more when he comes in.

That didn't make him feel any better about any of this.

He looked at the elevator and clutched onto his portfolio tightly. Yongguk wished him luck and then proceeded to kiss him all over his face. Jongup smiled softly at the memory, but took a deep breath and began to put on his game face. They were going to love her.

The elevator dinged at the floor he was supposed to be on and walked out of the elevator. He walked down the halls and saw everybody designing something for the next videogame or updates for a different videogame. He saw the artwork and smiled at how intricate the details are.

 _That's going to be my work one day_ , Jongup thought to himself.

"Ah, you must be Moon Jongup. Please, come in," a voice greeted, breaking from his train of thought.

Jongup smiled politely and walked up to them. He entered their office and closed the door behind him.

"Please, have a seat," a female voice said.

Jongup sat down in one of the more comfortable chairs and greeted them warmly.

"I'm Hyosung. This is Sungwon and Kyungwook. We looked over your drawings and I must say, I was impressed," Hyosung introduced.

"We love the color style you used and the type of art style you created in making _Nebula_. We want some more information, however, and see exactly where she stands. You said you wrote how you wanted the game, is that correct?" Kyungwook said.

"Yes. I tried to tap in how exactly you might want her in a videogame, combined with the story I wrote for her a few years ago. So, I thought maybe a bit like _Until Dawn_ with how a choice affects the character. Picking a wrong choice will affect how it will play out in the game, while picking a good choice will bring you closer to saving the galaxy. I was thinking-"

"I'll stop you there for a second. I like the idea of having choices affect the game, but I think it's too… overdone," Sungwon said.

Jongup felt a little embarrassed by that.

"Don't worry about it too much. Sungwon doesn't like that type of genre. I think having a main quest, plus a few side quests on the side," Hyosung said.

"An action-adventure type of game," Kyungwook explained.

"I-I can do that," Jongup said.

"Excellent. We'll just need a few villains and the backstory and such," Hyosung told him.

"Well, I have her backstory already finished, plus a few characters that I think can help the game along," Jongup said.

Jongup grabbed his portfolio and laid out the different types of characters he drew within his college years and doodling during work. He presented three copies of the story to Hyosung, Sungwon, and Kyungwook to look over.

"Who is this?" Hyosung asked, pointing at one of the drawings.

The drawing was a kitten, with stars and a constellation on its chest. The kitten was, of course, water colored.

"Oh, that's Nebula's friend and sidekick. I was thinking of naming her Stargazer," Jongup answered.

"She's adorable. I hope she's in here," Hyosung said.

"We'll look these over and call you in once we get a stabilizing team going. Until then, submit whatever villains you have to Hyosung or my email. Don't email Kyungwook because he's a bit scatterbrained when it comes to emails," Sungwon said.

Jongup bit his lip from laughing when he saw Kyungwook rolling his eyes.

"I will. It was a pleasure meeting with you," Jongup said, bowing his head in respect and shaking their hands.

They like her. They want to see more.

Jongup couldn't help feeling a little excited.

\-----

Jongup arrived home with all of the lights turned off and an empty sink. He furrowed his eyebrows and began to walk towards where he knows Yongguk would be. He looked inside and saw Yongguk straddling the wooden horse, finishing a painting he knows he started this morning.

"Yongguk?" Jongup questioned.

Yongguk jumped at the sound of his name and turned around. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"You're home already?" Yongguk asked.

"I was gone almost the entire day. Did you hole yourself in here without eating?" Jongup asked.

Yongguk looked a bit sheepish. Jongup groaned and began to drag Yongguk out of the art room.

"This is the fifth time this week I found you in there. And this isn't an isolated incident, either. You're forgetting our planned dates, birthdays, dinners, and one time we were going to have sex, but you were so occupied with painting that I had to use my own damn hand," Jongup argued.

"What are you saying? I thought we both knew this would happen," Yongguk said.

"I know that, but sometimes you have to be a real boy and go out into the real world, too. You can't keep forgetting to feed yourself or go outside or even call Himchan once in a while. Believe me, he keeps bugging me about mundane things that I really don't care about," Jongup explained.

"I do! We went out to dinner a few days ago," Yongguk said.

"With the group, but when was the last time you actually took me out somewhere? With real food?" Jongup asked.

Jongup crossed his arms over his chest as he waited for Yongguk to answer. Yongguk was a bit hesitant. He didn't remember.

"Two weeks ago. A dinner that _you_ almost stood me up on. You were two hours late," Jongup told him.

"I said I was sorry-"

"That's not the point!" Jongup snapped.

Yongguk instantly shut his mouth. He hasn't seen an angry Jongup in years. Only once, and that was because of the lady at the supermarket.

"I want you to be there. To be present. I don't want you holed away in the art room because all of a sudden, you got inspired. I'm here, too. You need to realize that before I decide to leave," Jongup threatened.

"Wait, are you forcing me to choose between my art and you?" Yongguk questioned. He was starting to feel a bit angry, too.

"That's not at all of what I'm saying. I'm saying is that you can have both, but don't let one be your entire life while the other is waiting for you in the dark," Jongup explained.

Yongguk sighed. Jongup wasn't entirely wrong. He has been letting his artwork taking hold of him. Especially when he just got a huge client that was willing enough to not only buy his artwork, but to display it at an art gallery not too far from here. But he did need to remember that the real world exists.

"Okay. You're right. We should… we need to do something so I'm not too caught up in my work. Maybe set a bell for food? Maybe call me an hour early before we go somewhere for dinner? I don't know," Yongguk offered.

"We'll go with the bell. That way you can actually have substance in your stomach. By the way, I brought take-out," Jongup said.

"Awesome! Hey, I need some help with anatomy. Maybe, if you want, you can nude model for me-"

"Nope. You lost take-out privilege for the day," Jongup said as he moved the food to the kitchen.

"But you didn't even consider it!" Yongguk whined as he followed his boyfriend into the kitchen.

\-----

As the months go by, Jongup is starting to like working at this company, called HappyPanda, and couldn't wait to meet his team that would help produce his work. Mostly, he's been sending rough drafts of villains that he wanted to use for the video game story and so far, all three of them have liked them. And now, it was time to officially meet the team. He was a bit excited and a little nervous, but he still kept a smile on his face and continued to move forward.

In one of the rooms, he found his team easily because the words on the door said _Nebula_ on it. He entered the room and saw pairs of eyes staring at him.

"Hello. I'm Moon Jongup. Nice to meet you all," Jongup greeted nervously, bowing his head respectively.

"Oh, you're the concept artist, right?" one of the girls asked.

Jongup nodded his head and clutched onto his briefcase.

"Well, come in! We're just getting started. We got Jiho over here trying to copy some of your designs," one of the boys said.

Jongup nodded his head and entered the room. He sat down at the large circular table and tried to remember names. The one with the computer who barely acknowledged him was Jiho. The one that greeted him first was Minjae, while the other boy was named Junhyung. The others he couldn't keep track.

"Don't worry about remembering names. We don't even remember their names," Minjae said.

"Hey, Jongup! How's this?" Jiho asked.

Jongup looked at the laptop and saw one of the villains. She wasn't the main villain, but she is one that Nebula must defeat. The villain was named Queen of the Stars. She looked serious and scary. Her dress was covered in twinkling stars, her eyes yellow, and her lips red. She looked perfect.

"Holy shit, how did you do that?" Jongup asked, staring at Queen of the Stars.

"I tried to follow your concept art, but it's a bit hard when you did it in watercolor, but I got it. I also have Nebula, Stargazer, and the main villain, King Cosmo," Jiho answered.

"While Jiho is working on the graphics, we should get started on the story. I was able to conduct exactly how a player will lose a life and what the role of Stargazer is, judging by Jongup's notes," one of the females interrupted.

Jongup furrowed his eyebrows. He didn't think they would start so soon.

"We'll get to that. We don't officially start until ten, and it's barely nine. I want to know what kind of girls Jongup was able to score in college," Junhyung said.

"God, not this again," another one of the females said.

"What? It's fair to know! Am I right?" he asked. Mostly to his male colleagues.

Jongup shifted a little bit. It was clear he was uncomfortable.

"Don't tell him, Jongup. He does that to all of the male colleagues," Minjae said.

"Hey, we're all adults. We've all scored a few times before. I was just trying to see if anybody beat my score," Junhyung said.

"The fact that you call women a score is what makes it unbearable," another female noted.

"No one asked you, Sumin. You're just a storyteller," Junhyung said.

Sumin only rolled her eyes as she began to write something down on her piece of paper.

"So, tell us, Jongup. Did you score any in college?" Junhyung asked.

Jongup thought back to his college days. Most of his days consisted of spending every waking hour in his room with Junhong as he painted whatever came to mind. He didn't really 'score,' per say. He wasn't really looking. Besides, it wasn't the girls that he sought after.

Then his mind went to Yongguk and let out a shy smile.

"Oh god, you're dating one of them, aren't you?" Junhyung asked.

Jongup snapped his head up and stared at his new colleague.

"Leave him alone," Minjae warned again.

"You're dating one of your one night stands, aren't you?" Junhyung asked, ignoring Minjae all together.

"We didn't have a one night stand. We got together after college. I never sought out pleasure like you did," Jongup answered.

Junhyung glared at him, but most of his new co-workers laughed at Junhyung's misery.

"So what's her name?" one of the male colleagues asked.

" _His_ name is Yongguk. We've been together for almost four years," Jongup explained.

The room was silent. All that was heard was Jiho's mouse clicking away.

"So what's he like?" Jiho asked, not even giving it a second thought.

"Well, he's an artist, too. But he does more traditional art. He's freelancing right now, but he hopes that his art gets put up in the MOMA or LACMA or maybe even-"

"Fucking fag," he heard Junhyung mutter.

Jongup froze. He didn't dare look over at Junhyung's direction.

"Dude, what the fuck? That's uncalled for," one of the male colleagues said. (He thinks his name is Jackson.)

"Well, it's true. No offense-" it will be. "-but I don't want to spend my time with a fag. Who knows, maybe he'll rub his fagginess on me," Junhyung said.

"Being gay is not forced upon you. You're born with it," Jiho said automatically, like it's been said before.

"Ignore him, Jongup. Junhyung is a sexist homophobe," another female explained.

"I'm just stating the facts. I'm needed in this group. Good luck finding another game developer if you plan to replace me," he said.

"We have Jaebum for that," Jackson pointed out.

Jongup was starting to feel uncomfortable. This wasn't the first time his sexuality was a subject in someone else's life. But it's a first when it involved in a work environment.

"Alright, that's enough. Let's just… go outside and get a fresh of air. Something to clear our heads. Junhyung, you and I need to see Hyosung. We'll talk about your inappropriate behavior," Sumin said.

Junhyung rolled his eyes, but got up anyway and followed Sumin out of the room. To be honest, this wasn't how Jongup thought his first day was going to go.

\-----

After brainstorming and Junhyung shooting down every idea Jongup thought of, even though it was his story, it was finally time for lunch. Jongup invited Yongguk to a small café not too far from his work and he hopes that Yongguk got his message. Or else he'll be eating alone at a café like a loser.

After a few minutes of getting to the café, he found Yongguk, sitting at a table already and looking over the menu. Jongup felt a little prideful. Yongguk actually showed up, for once. And early, too.

"Hey, handsome," Jongup greeted.

Yongguk looked up and smiled widely. Jongup saw dry paint of the older man's hands and clothes, so he must be starting a new project.

"Hey yourself. I just ordered us drinks. Lemonade with a slice of lemon on the side, right?" Yongguk greeted.

Jongup couldn't believe that Yongguk actually remembered his drink order.

"Anyway, how's your first day of work?" Yongguk asked.

"It's… different," Jongup answered hesitantly.

"What is it? You were so excited this morning. What happened?" Yongguk asked.

"It's just… this guy. He made some rather rude and inappropriate comments. Homophobic comments," Jongup explained.

Yongguk frowned. He reached his hand over to Jongup's hand and gently caressed it to make him feel better.

"Do you want me to go down there and kick his ass?" Yongguk asked him.

Jongup only laughed and shook his head. He didn't need his boyfriend to fight his battles. He can fight his own. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy this intimate lunch with the person he is so in love with.

\-----

After lunch, Jongup arrived to their small meeting room and saw Junhyung in a screaming match with his team. Jongup was able to hear his own name and a word he refused to hear. He took a deep breath and knew exactly what this is about.

"I don't want that fa-"

"And don't you dare finish that sentence," Jongup told him.

Everybody stopped shouting at one another. The team all sat down at a table, while Junhyng glared daggers at Jongup's head. This wasn't new, but it still made him uncomfortable.

"Jongup, you forgot- woah, this is your office?" a familiar voice asked.

Jongup turned around and saw Yongguk looking around, holding something in his hands. Jongup realized that they were his keys.

"Who are you?" Sumin asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Yongguk. I'm Jongup's boyfriend. Pleasure to meet you," Yongguk introduced.

Jongup wanted to laugh a little. Everybody looked a bit scared of Yongguk right now, and he knows it's because of the face. He wanted to tell them that he volunteers in his own time to look after children and plays with small puppies.

"You look familiar. Didn't we have a class together?" Yongguk asked Junhyung.

Junhyung looked frightened. Jongup had never seen that before.

"No! We most certainly have not," Junhyung snapped.

"I'm pretty sure we've met somewhere. What's your name?" Yongguk asked.

"I-It doesn't matter! You can't be in here," Junhyung said.

"His name is Junhyung," Jackson introduced.

Just like that, a lightbulb went on in Yongguk's head.

"Wait, didn't you date Himchan in our sophomore year?" Yongguk asked.

"No! That never-"

"I'm pretty sure it did. You actually did break his heart a little, but Himchan is over it now. He's dating Youngjae. Although, he never said why you two broke up," Yongguk said.

Jongup vaguely remembered Himchan mentioning that. He remembered the said boyfriend broke up with him because of keeping his reputation or something.

"So wait, he never went out with women?" Minjae asked.

"I never saw him with a female. Why, what did he say?" Yongguk asked.

Jongup wanted to laugh at Junhyung's misery, but he looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Yongguk saw that look, too.

"Well, I'll be off. Babe, your keys. You left them at the café," Yongguk told him.

Jongup accepted the keys and began to pocket them, until he felt Yongguk kissing the top of his head. Jongup rolled his eyes and watched as Yongguk walked out of the office. Jongup looked back up at Junhyung, whose face is completely red from embarrassment.

"Jiho, how's the animation coming along?" Jackson asked, trying to change the subject.

Jongup is thankful for Jackson. Now they're on track and hopefully they'll create a videogame by the end of next year.

\-----

Junhong thought it'd be brilliant to stay over at Yongguk and Jongup's place for the night. Mostly because Daehyun went to visit his family since his mom's birthday is soon and won't be back in two weeks. To top it off, his apartment is flooded. So, he turned to his best friend in the whole world.

"Yeah, of course! You can stay with us until you find a new apartment," Jongup said.

"Thanks. I talked to Daehyun already and he's already picking out apartments for us. Something about how I'm not good at picking things out," Junhong stated, looking over at his papers about a child with possible depression.

"Well…"

"Oh god, not you, too," Junhong groaned.

"I didn't say anything. You can crash on our couch in the meantime. If you need anything, Yongguk and I are somewhere in the apartment," Jongup told him.

Junhong smiled softly. It sucks that they turned their second bedroom into an art studio, but he wasn't going to comment on that. In a few years, they'll find a new home and they can convert an extra room into that art studio.

For now, the couch seems a whole lot more comfortable than the floor.

He set up his things and made a small makeshift bed on the couch and made himself comfortable.

"Hey, we'll be heading out. If you need something, call us or you can step out into the outside world," Jongup told him, with Yongguk grabbing the keys.

"Where are you two going?" Junhong asked.

"Yongguk has to go to work and I have a meeting to go to to discuss what's going to happen to _Nebula_ ," he answered.

"Ah. Well, have fun! I'm gonna hang out with Youngjae," Junhong told them, setting up the last of his things on the coffee table.

The two stared at him, and then ignored it and left. Junhong grabbed his things and made his way out the door. He sent a text to Youngjae quick to tell him he's on his way.

\-----

"So you're staying at Yongguk and Jongup's place?" Youngjae asked as their lunch was served.

"Temporarily. Just until I find a place or Daehyun comes back and we look together," he explained

"Best of luck to you," Youngjae toasts Junhong, then takes a sip of his drink.

Junhong's eyebrows furrow together and he frowns.

"With what?"

"With Yongguk and Jongup," Youngjae clarifies. "It's just that they've worked through a lot of shit. What, with the whole homophobic piece of shit at Jongup's work not too long ago, and then the fighting fiasco, they've gone through a lot."

Junhong furrows his eyebrows. "So, what, they're calling each other nauseating pet names or something?"

"God forbid," Youngjae mutters. "No. They're just…"

Youngjae waves his hand around, trying to find the words he's looking for.

"Yongguk and Jongup," Youngjae says, nodding at his words. "That sums it up nicely."

Junhong gapes.

"Um, what?"

"You'll understand soon enough," Youngjae tells him, taking a bite out of his sandwich.

Junhong doesn't like where this is going.

\-----

It takes Junhong a few days to notice it, since he was serious when he said he was going to actively look for a new apartment. He spends the first two days searching for possible places online, and the one after that visiting said places and deciding that he doesn't want to live in any of them.

So, it's on the fourth day, when he's decided that the best thing to do is spend most his time moping about his predicament on the sofa and watching bad daytime TV, that he starts to notice what Youngjae was talking about.

It begins in the morning, like all things do. Jongup is the first one up, emerging from his and Yongguk's room somewhere around nine in the morning, getting breakfast ready and starts up the coffee machine. Junhong can smell the aroma of the coffee. It takes less than ten minutes for Yongguk to stumble out of the bedroom, looking bleary-eyed and dazed, drawn to the sounds and smells of freshly brewed coffee. For a minute or two he stands in front of the pot, as if he's forgotten how to pour himself a mug, which is apparently the case as Jongup looks at him briefly and pours the older a cup of coffee, smiling softly at him.

Even though Junhong's already been there a handful of days, somehow it suddenly feels like he's intruding. He watches over the back of the couch as Yongguk becomes momentarily distracted from his coffee, a hand straying from the mug Jongup holds out to him so he can brush it down Jongup's bare side as he leans up to peck the younger on the lips. Jongup smiles, whispering something teasing about morning breath that Yongguk rolls his eyes in response as Jongup continues to cook breakfast.

It takes a while for Junhong to understand as he watches Yongguk and Jongup go through their seemingly habitual morning routine. They make breakfast together, Jongup flipping pancakes while Yongguk slices up some strawberries and pops a couple pieces of bread in the toaster, which Junhong is unsurprised to notice is pretty much the extent of Yongguk's kitchen skills besides making ramen. Junhong joins them briefly for breakfast before Yongguk leaves the table to shower, keeping the bathroom door open so Jongup can get finish getting ready for work.

Personally, Junhong knows he would find such a situation both odd and, eventually, boring if it was himself, but it's the opposite with Yongguk and Jongup. They don't seem bored with it in the slightest, even though it's clear to Junhong that it's almost routine by now. They carry on a full conversation about something Yongguk's working on while Jongup fixes his hair and Yongguk showers, and Junhong tries not to pay any attention to that because, in his opinion, discussing anything with someone while they bathe is super weird. When Yongguk's dressed and Jongup's pouring over some notes he made from his last meeting at the animation studios, Yongguk fixes his collar, his tone fond as he smoothed out the front of Jongup's shirt.

After Jongup departs, with a briefcase in hand and a couple of drawings in another, Yongguk disappears into the art studio, which they still call an art _room_. Junhong buries himself in searching for an apartment again, interrupted just after noon when an alarm goes off in the kitchen. He looks up as Yongguk bustles out of the art studio, with paint all over his shirt and arms.

"Lunch alarm," he explains as he turns it off, looking strangely embarrassed. "Jongup sets it so I, uh, don't forget to eat."

And that's the moment Junhong gets it.

Yongguk vanishes back into the art studio with a sandwich in hand, and Junhong doesn't see him again until after three, at which time Yongguk taps him on the shoulder and asks if he needs anything from the store. If it hadn't already clicked, Junhong would have been immensely surprised that Bang Yongguk even knew what a grocery store was, let alone was going to one. Instead, however, he just smiles and nods, asking if he can accompany him.

It turns out that not only does Yongguk know what a grocery store is, but he also knows where one is and how to navigate the aisles better than Junhong does. He also, of course, zips down them using the shopping cart like a scooter.

"Do you do this every day?" Junhong asks while Yongguk's weighing a bunch of bananas on a little scale.

"What, shopping?" Yongguk makes a face. "No. God, that would be horrible. Jongup makes a list twice a week, so I go twice a week."

Junhong thinks that someone, somewhere out there should be presenting Jongup with an award for convincing Yongguk to go grocery shopping, because it's truly a feat to be admired.

"I messed up a bit the first few times," Yongguk confesses while they're in the dairy section. "Didn't get the right brands or missed something on the list, etcetera. But Jongup would go with me when I had to take things back and show me which kinds he liked. And, I mean, it seriously makes no difference to me whether I'm eating name brand cereal or Kroger, but Jongup likes it so…"

He draws off, his smile almost shy as he fumbles for a block of cheese.

"Anyway," he says, clearing his throat. "Grab me a couple of peanut butter cookies there, would you?"

Junhong starts tossing about five packs of peanut butter cookies (because Yongguk says to get them because they're on sale) into the cart until Yongguk makes a noise of protest.

"No, the ones Jongup likes," Yongguk whines, picking the five packs of peanut butter cookies and placing it carefully on the shelf.

There's a startling moment when Junhong realizes that he doesn't know what Yongguk's talking about until Yongguk shows him the packs of nutter butter that he remembers back in college that Jongup would hide from the RAs because they, too, had a peanut butter fix.

"Jongup still eats those?" he questions.

Yongguk grins.

"Almost every day for lunch."

And here's the thing that Junhong should have figured out sooner, long before Youngjae pointed it out to him. He picks up on it in their morning routine, in the way Jongup sets an alarm to remind Yongguk to eat and the way Yongguk readily and happily treks to the grocery store when Jongup's busy with work.

It's there when Jongup returns that night with Chinese takeout in hand and Yongguk blocks him from entering the apartment until he's received a kiss, which ends in a bit of a scuffle, a tangle of limbs, and Jongup huffing out a laugh against Yongguk's neck where he's caught between the door frame and Yongguk's persistent arms. It's the way they talk about their days and seem genuinely interested in everything the other has to say, long after Junhong has zoned out and wandered away to watch TV. And it's the way they're also content to sit in silence, with Jongup reading a book he's been trying to finish and Yongguk trying to work on a sketch.

Youngjae was right. There's no such thing as Yongguk and Jongup anymore.

It's just _Yongguk and Jongup_.

And the blend is seamless, so much so that Junhong finds himself faltering to remember when it wasn't like this. He realizes now how right they had been about that.

Obviously, Junhong can still trace out the timeline that lead them here, find the pivotal points on it without much thought, but it's an oddly straight path, considering all the twists and turns he knows it took to get where they are now.

And when he thinks about it, sees the glow of contentment in Jongup's eyes that had been absent for far longer than Junhong would like to admit, he can't stop smiling.

"You have the creepiest look on your face right now," Yongguk informs him awhile later, barely looking up from his sketch to glance at Junhong's wide grin. "It's starting to freak me out."

Jongup hums a sound of faint agreement, but he flashes Junhong an understanding smile over Yongguk's head in return.

Junhong laughs.

He remembers what it was like before this; he does. Before Yongguk and Jongup and even before Yongguk and Jongup. But it's like holding water in his hands. It slips through his fingers no matter how hard he holds on to it, leaving a cool and fading feeling against his fingers and palms, a lingering reminder.

It's… different.

And Junhong just smiles.

\-----

Yongguk looks into the fridge and realized the leftover spaghetti and shrimp that he was going to eat disappeared the sixth day Junhong is residing on their couch. He would demand Jongup where his lunch was, but he knew that Jongup couldn't have eaten it because Jongup hates the taste of shrimp, so he's out. And if Junhong wasn't out apartment hunting while face timing his boyfriend, he would've demanded Junhong explain, too, while blaming him because he can.

When Junhong gets back, however, Junhong denies that he ate it, to which Yongguk glares at him until Junhong scurries back towards the couch.

Someone, obviously, was lying.

"Maybe you ate it but forgot," Jongup suggested as they ate their dinner.

Yongguk scoffs.

"I may be a bit scatter brained, but seeing as I was saving that pasta for lunch today, I can say with certainty that I definitely didn't eat it."

Jongup stares at him. Yongguk knows that Jongup knows he's lying, but he lets it slide anyway.

At least until he finds that he's suddenly out of Jongup's favorite cookies.

"I just bought some a few days ago," Yongguk grumbles as he roots uselessly around in the cupboards for it. "I bought five packs of those nutter butter cookies. I hate those things, so I couldn't have eaten them."

He questions Jongup first, but he says that he couldn't eat five packs because he'll get sick eating them all in one sitting.

Which, once again, leaves Junhong.

"I didn't eat any," Junhong protests when Yongguk corners him later during the day. "I don't even like the peanut butter ones. I only like the chunky chocolate chip ones."

After the last slice of cake Jongup made for their anniversary goes missing, Yongguk's had enough. At which Daehyun has decided to grace his presence from coming back to who knows where and decided to stay at Himchan and Youngjae's apartment until he and Junhong found a place. It wasn't that they didn't want Daehyun at his and Jongup's place. It's just that there's no room.

"That was my cake!" he rants to Himchan and Daehyun the next morning in Himchan's apartment. "And once again, everyone denies eating it! So, either my fridge has turned into the Bermuda Triangle, or someone is lying!"

Himchan stirs his tea calmly, while Daehyun is listening to Yongguk rant. "It's Junhong."

Yongguk narrows his eyes. "I knew it. He's not as good of a liar as he thinks he is."

"He doesn't know he's doing it," Daehyun explains, making Yongguk balk.

"How-?"

"Sleep eater?" Himchan guesses.

"Sleep walker," Daehyun corrects. "He tromps around and messes with stuff, eats things sometimes, too." He shrugs. "One time he sang the entire score of Les Miserables perfectly, word for word. He even got the French part right."

Yongguk gapes while Himchan descends into a fit of laughter. "Did you ever tell him?"

"Of course."

"And what did he say?"

"He said he’s never seen Les Miserables," Daehyun deadpans.

Yongguk groans. "No. I meant what did he say about the sleep walking."

"Oh! Denied it, of course," he scoffs. "Which is what most people would do."

Yongguk folds his arms over his chest. "Well then I’ll just have to catch him in the act. Somehow."

Daehyun takes a long sip of his coffee.

"You could borrow my nanny cam," Himchan suggested, to which Daehyun and Yongguk stare at him as if he has grown three heads.

\-----

"I don't even want to know why you have a nanny cam," Daehyun tells him as Himchan grabbed hold of the teddy bear that resided on the bookshelves.

"Yes you do," Himchan hums, playing around with the bear.

Daehyun purses his lips. "Not really."

"Well, I'm telling you anyway. It was so I can spy on some workers that were fixing the apartment because I didn't trust them. Now I got attached and I can't let go. Plus, it's a perfect use to see what Youngjae is doing when I'm not home," Himchan explains.

"You do realize that Youngjae probably already knows, right?" Yongguk stated.

"Meh. It's still sweet on what he tries to do. And to figure out how much junk food he's eating when he's on a diet."

"It's still really creepy," Daehyun tells him.

"Whatever. Just put the bear somewhere that Junhong won't question it or knock it over," Himchan instructs, ignoring them both. "There's only eight gigabytes in here, so use it wisely. And make a music video of whatever footage you get."

"A music video?" Daehyun says disbelievingly.

"To a really stupid pop song," Himchan adds before turning on his heels and waltzing out of the room without another word, leaving a perplexed Yongguk and Daehyun to stare after him. His reason for leaving, however, becomes apparent when Youngjae walks through the front door not a moment later.

"Nanny cam!" he exclaims, pointing at the bear before he continued on his way to the kitchen. "Awesome. If you guys are borrowing that I can finally eat all the brownies in peace."

\-----

Back at Yongguk's apartment, they begin setting up the teddy bear with a bunch of his own stuffed tiggers that he keeps in the bookcase. He sets it so that it focuses on the kitchen.

"I feel really weird for doing this," Daehyun comments.

"Why?" Yongguk questions.

"I'm spying on my boyfriend. You know, the person I'm supposed to be trusting?" Daehyun states.

Yongguk got off the step ladder and focused his attention on him.

"He's not going to know that you're doing this. You'll be fine," he assures.

Daehyun hums, looking at the teddy bear with interest.

"What about you and Jongup?" Daehyun asks.

"What about me and Jongup?" Yongguk questions as he fiddles around with the teddy bear and places a sign on it.

"You know what I'm going with. When are you asking the idiot to marry you? It's been four years, you know," Daehyun pointed out.

"I'll propose once you propose to your four and a half year's boyfriend," he challenged.

Daehyun snorted and shook his head.

"It's complicated. It's not the whole 'I want to get married and he doesn't' kind of spiel. It's more of a 'we have no budget over anything' kind of thing. Junhong won't admit that he spends too much money on skateboards while I won't admit that I spend too much money on food," he explained.

"You do know you two can just get married in a courthouse and present each other with gold bands, right? Junhong doesn't care."

"This isn't really about me. This is about you and Jongup."

"Me and Jongup… that's also complicated. Too complicated to explain," Yongguk confessed, putting the step ladder away.

"Try me," Daehyun challenged.

"I'd rather not. Not even Jongup knows. Trust me, it's something you don't want to get in to," he said.

Daehyun sighed and out of the corner of his eye, he saw a velvet box on top of a book case.

"So you are proposing?" Daehyun questions.

Yongguk look at the box and stared at it.

"I don't know. I saw a piece of jewelry and I thought it'd be perfect for Jongup. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a sleepwalker to catch," Yongguk told him, ushering Daehyun to leave the apartment.

\-----

Three days later, Yongguk knows he has enough video footage to get proper revenge for his cake, and just as Himchan instructed, he makes a terrible music video with it and presents it to the rest of the group on movie night.

"Someone," he says as dramatically as possible, "Has been stealing the food from our kitchen. Including my cake. I decided to catch the culprit with this," he holds up the bear and Junhong lets out a groan, "as my assistant."

Himchan catches the bear when Yongguk tosses it to him, a triumphant smirk in place when Junhong sends a wounded look his way.

"So now," he declares, popping the pre-prepared DVD into the player. "I present to you The Legend of Sleepy Junhong."

Junhong lets out a cry of indignation. "What the hell? Who told you I sleepwalk?! It's a lie – oh hey, look, I sleepwalk…" he draws off as, on screen, a very asleep Junhong traipses across the kitchen to the fridge.

Jongup sits up and points an accusing finger at Junhong.

"Is that why the stash of Oreos were gone when you slept over at my house?"

Junhong doesn't reply, as his attention is fully on the screen where his sleeping self has dropped down to the ground to do pushups.

"I'm not even doing them one-handed!" he exclaims indignantly. "This is not a proper portrayal of my awesome manly skills, Bang."

"Well later you juggle, jump rope, jog in place, and even recite an entire soliloquy. How's that?" Yongguk leers.

Daehyun chokes on a laugh behind his hands, and Youngjae moves to sit on the edge of his seat as the sleeping Junhong on screen wanders out of the room and returns with a boxing helmet on his head. Junhong himself covers his eyes and flops over the arm of the couch with a strangled scream.

"Hush. Everyone hush. This is the part where he starts singing Good King Wenceslas!" Yongguk shushes them, ignoring Junhong's shrieks of protest.

"I'm never staying with you guys ever again!"

\-----

Yongguk gently sets the small black and white kitten in her box and sets it by the door to their room. He gently tied a small red bow on it and gently pet the small kitten.

"This should be the time where he wakes up," Yongguk muttered.

He had to get up extra early today (something that he doesn't do) in preparations of the surprise. He walked up to their room and gently opened the door so that he wouldn't wake up Jongup. He peaked inside and saw Jongup's half naked body face first into some pillows and covered in blankets. Yongguk tiptoed into the room and gently placed the kitten on top of their bed and quickly darted out.

Jongup, meanwhile, felt movement, but ignored it. It was way too early to deal with whatever it is that Yongguk is planning and continued to sleep. That is, until he felt a wet nose and soft fur rubbing against him. He cracked his eyes open and looked over his shoulder. Next to him was a black and white kitten with a small red bow tied around its neck.

"Hello. Where did you come from?" Jongup cooed as he sat up from the bed.

The kitten let out a soft squeak as Jongup gently picked her up. He gently removed the red bow, but saw something drop on the bed. He picked up a necklace with a penguin the size of his pinkie finger. Jongup remembered seeing this on Yongguk's laptop once, but he thought it was for an art reference.

"Yongguk, I know you're there," Jongup said.

Yongguk came into the room and smiled shyly at him. Jongup continued to pet the small kitten as he waited for Yongguk to speak.

"Okay, I know you know what I'm about to do," Yongguk said.

"I might, but I want to hear it from your lips," Jongup said.

Yongguk smiled, but obliged and got down on one knee.

"Jongup, too be honest, I wasn't supposed to fall in love. With you, it was easy. I didn't know it was this easy, but I'm glad. And now, I want to share this happiness with you for the rest of my life. Will you marry me, Moon Jongup?" Yongguk proposed.

Jongup could feel his eyes stinging. He set the new kitten down on the bed, who got comfortable on Jongup's side of the bed and fell asleep. He urged Yongguk to get up and kissed him hard.

"So is that a yes or…?" Yongguk asked as he pulled away.

"Yes, you idiot!" Jongup answered, but smiled anyway.

Yongguk saw the penguin necklace around Jongup's neck. He can't wait to spend the rest of his life with the man he wants to marry.

\-----

Jongup was rocking himself back and forth on the balls of his feet. This is it. This is the day he marries the person he loves most of all.

Yet his nerves are shouting at him to run away.

Nope.

"Well, you look nervous," Junhong commented.

"Distract me. Tell me something that'll help," Jongup ordered.

Junhong laughed and thought of what he would think.

"Himchan still hates your reception idea," he told him.

"Oh please. He's just jealous that we thought of it first while he had to deal with his fairytale wedding," Jongup stated.

Junhong only laughed.

"Speaking of which, which costume did you decide on?" Jongup asked, fixing his tie.

"I couldn't decide, so I had Daehyun pick for me. He said Mockingbird, since she is Hawkeye's wife and everything," Junhong told him.

"Aw, you two are adorable," Jongup cooed. "But seriously, when is Daehyun going to propose?" Jongup asked him.

"I don't know. We discussed it, but that's pretty much it," Junhong answered.

"Maybe you two will be one of those couples that doesn't need a marriage to define your love," Jongup suggested.

"I don't know," Junhong said, a hint of disappointment laced in his words.

The two heard a knock coming from the door and opened. Youngjae poked his head out and smiled.

"How's it going in here?" Youngjae asked, stepping into the dressing room.

"Calm. Collected. A bit nervous," Jongup answered.

"Oh! I forgot to mention, Himchan picked out our costume and he chose Ant-Man and The Wasp," Youngjae told him, showing him his costume.

"I'm gonna take a wild guess that you didn't get any say in what you wore," Jongup concluded.

"Not really, but the costume compliments my figure," he answered.

Jongup rolled his eyes as he began to fix his own bowtie. He fixed his dark green suit and looked over at himself. He was thankful that he and Yongguk decided against the traditional black suits.

"Hey, Jongup. It's time," Himchan told him, peeking into the room.

Jongup took a deep breath and looked at himself one last time in the mirror. The penguin necklace was still resting against his throat. He hid the necklace underneath his shirt and began to follow his friends towards the entrance. He waited for the wedding march to arrive and continued to think through the years the two have been together. He laughed, and cried, and he was pretty sure he smacked Yongguk upside the head once for being a complete idiot. He shook the thoughts from his head and began to march down the aisle. He looked up and saw Yongguk standing by the altar, with his back turned to him. Jongup walked up beside Yongguk and smiled softly at him. Yongguk smiled back and laced his fingers with Jongup's.

"Hello, and welcome. We are gathered here today…"

The rest of the day passed Jongup in a blur. He remembered the rings, and he remembered saying his vows. He looked Yongguk in the eye and smiled widely at him.

"By the power invested in me and in this holy church, I pronounce you two married. You two may now kiss," the priest announced.

Jongup felt Yongguk's lips on his mouth. The kiss was soft and sweet. He could hear the cheers from his friends and family as Yongguk dipped Jongup a little bit.

Jongup couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with him.

_It was like being seen after a perpetual darkness, I replied._

_To be heard after a lifetime of silence._


	3. Sorrow

_What was it like to lose him? Asked Sorrow._

 

After their honeymoon, the two made it to their apartment safely. Now it was the matter of getting a new home.

"Why do we need a new home when we have a perfect apartment here?" Yongguk questioned.

"Yongguk, we talked about this. We were talking about adopting kids. Maybe more, if we have the time. We need a house in order to support not only our child, but maybe our artistic endeavors, too," Jongup said. "Besides, ever since you accepted that job offer to be an art curator, we've made enough money to put a down payment on a house. We need this so we could adopt a child. Maybe two."

Their apartment was way too small to begin with. They only had two rooms; one for them to sleep in and the other that was turned into an art studio. That wasn't going to favor them if they were to be inspected.

"Alright, fine. We need to find a real estate agent and a place where we should live," Yongguk said.

"I asked Daehyun and Junhong about a potential real estate agent and they recommended someone named Yoonsun. She's really helpful. She's the same one that found that one home for Himchan and Youngjae," Jongup said.

Yongguk thought about it. They did talk about adoption during their honeymoon. He thought that they would adopt once their careers have settled. Jongup's new videogame has been finished a few months ago and the release date is soon. Yongguk took a job as a curator because he needs to be able to help support Jongup and himself.

"Alright, I see your point. Call up Yoosun and we should be able to find a house fairly easily. Do you want to live in the city or just outside of the city?" Yongguk asked as he looked through their wedding gifts.

"Outside. I think the city is too packed and I want to actually live in a house, not a condo or an apartment," Jongup answered.

So it was settled, Yongguk thought. He couldn't believe this was actually happening. Just a few years ago, he didn't think he would find someone to love. And now, here he is.

And it scares him.

\-----

Jongup and Yongguk were looking at different houses, with Yoosun right behind them.

"This house is a one-story house, plus an additional room to the side for privacy," Yoosun introduced.

The house looked gorgeous, yet small. It was perfect for the two. They both hoped that it'll be perfect for the adoption agency, too.

"How many rooms does it have?" Yongguk asked.

"Three rooms, plus an additional one, which makes it four. The original owners built the additional room on the side of the house because they said it's perfect for privacy and turned it into an office. You can do whatever you wish to the house," Yoosun explained.

The three entered the house and Jongup instantly fell in love. The kitchen looked modern and the small breakfast nook was perfect for having breakfast and dinner with his family. The floors could need some work, but the entire house was lovely. The living room and family room looked extremely spacious and ready for things to be placed in. The hallway lead to four additional doors. Two of the bedrooms were a bit smaller than he expected, but still looked homey. One of the bedroom's window looked out into the backyard, which looked large and giant, while the other bedroom's window faced the street. He knows that Penguin, their cat, will love the backyard.

When they got to their master bedroom, the room looked much bigger than the other rooms, with an additional bathroom that has a bathtub/shower combo in it. The other bathroom also had a shower/bathtub combo inside, but it looked less nicer than the master bathroom. Either way, Jongup loved the house so far.

"Would you like to see the additional room?" Yoosun asked them.

The two nodded their heads. They followed Yoosun towards the end of the hallway, which had an additional door that they didn't notice. Yoosun opened the door and Yongguk and Jongup gasped in the beauty.

The sun was shining brightly through the window, which gave the room a soft glow. It was perfect for painting and sketching.

"So, what do you two think?" Yoosun asked.

"We'll take it," Yongguk said.

\-----

Moving into the house was a bit tedious and difficult. Thankfully, they had help. Although, not willingly.

"You promised me pizza," Daehyun stated.

"Once we're done," Jongup said as he released Penguin out of her cage and let her roam around the house.

"And when will that be?" Himchan asked.

Before Jongup could give them an answer, Yongguk and Youngjae enter the house, bringing in the wooden horse and a few canvases from the truck.

"Just follow my lead!" Yongguk snarled.

"I am following your lead! Why do you think I have bruises on my legs?" Youngjae snapped.

Jongup sighed and motioned for the two to set it down.

"Now, Youngjae and I will move this. _You_ will help Daehyun and Junhong getting the couches out of the moving truck," Jongup ordered.

The two followed his order and continued to move some things around. Jongup set up the art room to his and possibly Yongguk's liking. He placed their past artwork down in the corner for Yongguk so that he could figure out which painting he wants hanging in their room for years to come.

"It's insane that you two are married and are now living in a house together. Himchan and I did the complete opposite," Youngjae said.

"I remember. You two continuously refused to say that you two were dating," Jongup said.

"Yeah. What idiots we are," Youngjae said.

Jongup only laughed. The two left the art room and made their way to the living room, where the four growing boys were sitting around, eating a piece of pizza.

"What, break time?" Jongup asked.

"The pizza came when he finished setting the couch down," Junhong explained.

Jongup said nothing as he sat down beside Yongguk and stole his husband's pizza.

"Hey!" Yongguk said.

Jongup ignored him as he continued to eat.

After the six finished eating three entire boxes of pizzas, they continued to move their things inside the house. Once the furniture was placed where Yongguk and Jongup liked it, everybody collapsed onto the couches and began to watch a movie to celebrate their victory.

"God, that was tedious. Please tell me you won't need us when you two decide to get furniture for your adopted future child," Youngjae pleaded.

"We won't. We'll figure it out ourselves," Yongguk assured them.

For now, the six of them laid on the couch and relaxed.

\-----

After a few weeks of settling into their new home, Jongup and Yongguk made their way to the adoption agency where the two knew they would accept queer couples.

"Hi! Are you Yongguk and Jongup?" one of the care workers asked.

"Yes. We called earlier asking about a potential adoption," Yongguk answered.

"Yes, of course! Right this way," she said, indicating for them to follow her.

The two followed the woman down towards where the children were playing. Jongup and Yongguk looked inside and saw many kids playing games and drawing and attempting to read a book.

"This is where most of the kids play. You said you're looking for kids between the ages of five and ten, correct?" the care worker asked.

"That's what we're looking in to," Jongup answered.

"Would you like to look in?" the care worker offered.

The two were a bit hesitant, but accepted the offer. The three entered inside, but the children paid no attention to the three adults that entered the room.

"I'll leave you two alone for now. I think it'll be easier if I wasn't around," the care worker said.

She left the room and closed the door behind her. Yongguk and Jongup sat down on a bench and looked around at the kids. There were so many, and many of them were energetic. A few were brave enough to pull either Yongguk or Jongup to come and play with them. However, none of them really stood out to them.

One kid, however, did.

It was an accident, really. Jongup noticed a small boy coloring on a piece of paper. The group of girls that dragged him away to play pretend were too occupied to notice Jongup slipping away to see what this younger boy was doing.

"Hi," Jongup greeted.

The boy looked up, completely scared. The child ignored him and continued to draw, but Jongup could tell that the little boy was scared.

"It's okay. I won't hurt you," Jongup assured him in a soft voice. Junhong told him before that it's important to give a softer tone of voice when engaging with a child that's scared.

"What's your name?" Jongup asked.

The child still looked scared. Jongup didn't really blame him.

"My name is Jongup. My husband, Yongguk, is over there," Jongup introduced, pointing at the man in the corner.

Yongguk, however, was suffering from a group of boys who thought it would be great to give Yongguk a costume made of paper and covered his hair in glitter. Jongup winced a little because he knows that glitter is hard enough to get out of.

"My name is Jude," the small boy whispered.

Jongup barely missed it, but he heard the name. He smiled softly.

"Well, nice to meet you, Jude. What are you drawing?" he asked.

Jude was hesitant, but showed Jongup the picture anyway. The drawing was a little sloppy, but it showed a picture of the outside, with a small blue house and three figures standing front and center. The sun was, of course, had a face with sunglasses.

"Who is this?" Jongup asked.

Jude shrugged his shoulders. Jongup could tell that the smaller, blue figure was Jude, with the two brown figures didn't have a face or hair. They were mostly blank.

"Are those supposed to be your parents?" Jongup asked.

Jude stayed silent. Jongup smiled softly at him and continued to study the picture. He wanted to run his fingers through the small boy's hair, but he wasn't sure exactly is Jude wanted to be touched in general.

"Hey, the care workers said we need to head out. The next set of parents are coming soon," Yongguk told him.

Jongup looked up and saw Yongguk's face covered in scribbles.

"What happened? Did the boys bully you?" Jongup asked in a sarcastic tone.

"Hey, they can put up a fight and I'm not that buff. Yet," Yongguk said.

"Yes, because I need someone to keep away the ten-year-old bullies," Jongup dryly said.

He heard a small giggle coming from his left. He looked down and saw Jude covering up his hand and smiled brightly. Jongup smiled back.

He knows who he wants to adopt.

\-----

Jongup and Yongguk looked through Jude's files and tried to see how, exactly, he was placed in the system. His father abused him, while his mother ran off. Where, the papers don't say.

"Says he likes coloring and animals. He doesn't talk and he's very well behaved," Jongup read off.

"Is he, or was he programed that way?" Yongguk questioned.

"I don't know. But something inside me is telling me that we need to adopt him. Jude needs us," Jongup said.

Yongguk said nothing. He's not sure if Jude needs them, or they need Jude.

"Alright, so we made our decision?" Yongguk asked.

Jongup nodded his head. He began to fill out his name and let Yongguk do his. With the adoption papers finally filled out, all they needed was their signature.

"We're really doing this," Jongup commented.

Yongguk smiled brightly and caressed his thumb on the back of his hand.

"We are. We need to fill out a couple of more papers and we'll be good to go," he told him.

Jongup smiled and got up from the kitchen table.

"I'm going to take a shower. Can you start dinner?" Jongup asked him.

"Yeah. I'll see what I can make," Yongguk responded.

Jongup walked upstairs to their bedroom where the master bathroom was. He grabbed a pair of clean boxers, a pair of clean sweats, and a clean shirt. Before he could get into the bathroom, however, he heard a sharp crash hit the floor. Jongup tossed the clothes onto the bed and made his way downstairs. In the kitchen was glass shattered all over the floor and Yongguk bending down to pick the shards of glass up.

"Hey, you okay?" Jongup asked as he helped pick the pieces of glass up.

"I'm fine. The glass slipped is all," Yongguk told him.

Jongup looked at him, then traveled down to his hands.

"You're shaking," Jongup told him.

Yongguk quickly hid his hands and stared at him, like a deer caught in a headlight.

"I'm fine," he told him.

"Are you sure? I want to make sure that you're fine. I don't want an incident where you break all of our stuff," Jongup asked him, picking up the last of the shards of glass and throwing them away.

"I told you, I'm fine. It's nothing. Just a minor shake is all," Yongguk told him.

Jongup was hesitant, but he believed him anyway. He hopes that it was only a minor thing.

\-----

Their adoption went through. Yongguk and Jongup looked over the adoption papers and couldn't help but smile. They were able to take Jude home with them. Although, Jude was a bit scared of coming home with two complete strangers, Jongup and Yongguk assured him that they were going to take care of him.

"Welcome home," Jongup introduced.

Jude looked around the small house. It looked homely and cozy. He looked around and saw a cat sleeping on the ouch. He squealed, but Jongup stopped him.

"I need you to be careful. Cats are very delicate and don't respond well like dogs. Do you want me to show you how to approach a cat?" Jongup asked.

Jude nodded his head eagerly. He saw that the cat was watching him with curious eyes. Jongup led Jude towards Penguin and allowed Jude to stick his hand out and approach her slowly. Penguin sniffed at Jude's hand and gently nuzzled his head against Jude's hand. Jude smiled widely and gently petted the cat. He looked up at Jongup, who smiled encouragingly at him.

"Do you want to see your room?" Yongguk asked Jude.

Jude stopped petting Penguin and nodded his head. Yongguk held Jude's hand and began to led him towards Jude's room. Jongup stayed behind and gently petted Penguin before he walked towards the kitchen and began to start dinner.

Meanwhile, Jude looked inside his new room and was in awe about what was inside. The walls were painted a light yellow, with a bed with spaceships on it, a bookcase filled with only two or three books, and a desk so that Jude can color on top of it. The bookcase worried him a bit.

"We don't know what you like to read, but you'll get to choose your books," Yongguk tells him.

Jude nodded his head. He set his stuff down and brought out a stuffed elephant from his bag. He then brought out his clothes and set them down on the bed.

"Here, let me help," Yongguk offered.

Jude tensed up, which Yongguk backed away. He didn't want to make Jude uncomfortable. Jude turned his head and saw Yongguk, looking like he was hesitant to touch him.

"Appa?" Jude asked.

Yongguk felt his heart swell a little.

"Can you help me?" Jude asked.

Yongguk accepted and began to help Jude putting away his things from the orphanage into the dresser. Finally, Jude found a home.

\-----

Months passed by. Soon, Jude was six and he was entering kindergarten. It was strange, for the most part, for Jongup and Yongguk. Jude warmed up to them and began to call Yongguk appa and Jongup daddy. Today, it was Yongguk's turn to pick up Jude from kindergarten while Jongup stayed home and cooked dinner. When Yongguk entered the house, it was insanely quiet. He led Jude inside the apartment and allowed him a snack from the kitchen. He saw Jongup standing by the oven, cooking something.

"Hello," Yongguk greeted, wrapping his arms around Jongup's waist and kissing his cheek.

"Hello to you, too," Jongup greeted.

Yongguk untangled himself from Jongup's waist and began to find some snacks for Jude to eat that won't ruin his appetite.

"Appa, I wanna wait!" Jude exclaimed.

Yongguk stopped his hunt and let Jude have playtime for a few hours. Jude ran out of the kitchen and went to the living room to color. Yongguk smiled, and then turned his attention to Jongup.

"We need to have sex," Jongup announced without tearing his eyes away from the soup he was making.

Yongguk raised an eyebrow and stared at him.

"And may I ask why?" Yongguk questioned.

"We've both been busy with work and school and taking care of Jude that we haven't had sex in so long. When was the last time we've actually had sex?" Jongup explained.

"That's not true. The last time was…" Yongguk said, trailing off.

Jongup raised an eyebrow, and then sighed in frustration.

"The fact that it's taking you this long to remember proves my point," Jongup pointed out. "Last time we've had sex, Jude didn't enter our lives yet. I'm not saying adopting Jude is a bad thing, but I miss being intimate with you."

Yongguk saw Jongup pouting and wrapping his arms around Yongguk's waist. He knows it's been a long time, and to be honest, he missed Jongup's touches, too.

"Okay, I see your point," Yongguk said.

"Ugh, I really don't want to schedule our sex lives, but if this is how we get out of our rut, I might have to," Jongup said.

Yongguk groaned. He hoped that they didn't have to do this.

"Daddy, is dinner almost ready?" Jude asked.

Jongup began to untangle himself from Yongguk's hold and placed Jude on the chair. Yongguk pouted and began to miss Jongup's touches.

"Almost, sweetheart. Do you wanna help daddy?" Jongup asked.

Jude nodded his head eagerly. He picked him up and the two began to finish dinner.

\-----

Yongguk tucked Jude into bed, sang him a soft lullaby from Paul McCartney that resembled his name, and then Yongguk began to cuddle up to Jongup while they watched a movie with low volume.

"I think Jude likes 'Hey, Jude.' He falls asleep instantly when he heard me sing it," Yongguk said.

"I think it's your voice. You make him feel relaxed," Jongup pointed out.

Yongguk hummed in response. As the movie progressed, Yongguk began to slip his hands underneath Jongup's shirt. Jongup could feel a pair of lips kissing his neck and it made him sigh a little.

"What are you doing?" Jongup asked.

"Being spontaneous," Yongguk answered.

Jongup rolled his eyes, but he quickly kissed his husband softly on the lips. He straddled Yongguk's hips, both of them facing one another. Jongup needs friction and he needs Yongguk's touch. Soon, both of their shirts were off their bodies and Yongguk attached his lips to Jongup's chest. He trailed his hands down Jongup's sweats and began to untie the strings.

"Appa, what are you doing to daddy?" a new voice asked.

Out of shock, Yongguk accidentally threw Jongup off his body, which made Jongup fly off the couch and landed hard on the floor.

"Jude! What is it?" Yongguk asked.

"I had a bad dream. Can I sleep with you?" Jude asked.

Jongup got up from the floor and turned off the television set.

"Come on. You can sleep with us for tonight," Jongup assured him.

Jude only nodded his head. Jongup picked Jude up and began to walk to his and Yongguk's room, with Yongguk following right behind him.

As the three settled into bed, Jude was still whimpering and crying.

"Hey, it's okay. We're here," Yongguk assured him as he kissed his forehead.

"Appa, can you sing me a song?" Jude requested.

Yongguk smiled softly and began to sing his song.

"Hey, Jude, don't make it bad. / Take a sad song and make it better. / Remember to let her into your heart. / Then you can start to make it better," Yongguk sang.

They could hear Jude's breathing starting to even. Yongguk couldn't remember the words, so he began to hum. It was so weird. He sang the entire song to him earlier. Why couldn't he remember.

And then he remembered why.

\-----

"Jongup!" he heard Yongguk call out.

Jongup looked up and saw Yongguk barreling into the room. Jongup could tell that his husband is excited about something. Jude was in the living room, coloring on sheets of paper that Jongup gave him. Even Jude got curious.

"I got inspired!" Yongguk told him.

Jongup furrowed his eyebrows. Yongguk began to drag him into their art studio and showed him the sketch on the wooden horse. It looked so simple, but Jongup knew Yongguk. He knew that Yongguk would create colors out of this and it excited Jongup a little.

"You're starting a new piece?" Jongup asked.

"The art museum is featuring new artists and asked us if anyone knew an artist. I said I was an artist and said that I could feature in the museum if I want to! And then I got inspired," Yongguk explained.

Jongup could now feel the excitement. Jongup only laughed and kissed his cheeks.

"That's great! I can't wait to see what it'll be like," Jongup said.

"I know. I already began to sketch it on a canvas. Now I just need to paint it. I'm thinking of using either oil or acrylic," Yongguk said, considering his choices.

"What about both? No one said that you have to use one," Jongup offered.

Yongguk thought about it. He was right. He could do that.

"Yeah, that's a good idea. Now, where did I put those oils," Yongguk said, trailing off on his thoughts.

Jongup furrowed his eyebrows. Yongguk always knew where he put his at supplies. Both of them did. They try not to put their supplies in the same box, but Yongguk always knew where his supplies are. Even blindfolded.

"Yongguk, are you okay?" Jongup asked.

"I'm fine. Why?" Yongguk asked.

"Honey, your hands," Jongup told him.

Yongguk looked down and saw that his hands were shaking. He hid his hands and said nothing.

"Okay, we're going to take you to the doctors. This is getting worse. I found shards of glass yesterday. I know it was you," Jongup accused.

"Look, I'm fine! I just need water and some food-"

"Yongguk, this is serious. I don't know what's going on with you and it scares me. A few days ago, you asked me when Himchan's birthday was," Jongup pointed out.

Yongguk sighed and surrendered. He's afraid of what the doctors are going to say.

"Alright. We'll go to the doctors. I'll call up Daehyun and Junhong to watch over Jude," Yongguk said.

Yongguk was afraid of the results. However, he's more afraid of what's going to happen.

\-----

The room was silent, with the only source of light coming from the full moon outside. Yongguk stared at his painting, knowing that he's not going to be able to finish it. He straddled the wooden horse and took out the paint supplies. He wanted to finish. He _needed_ to finish. He grabbed the paint brush, dipped it in the indigo paint, and held it up to the canvas, but his hand began to shake.

"What are you doing?" he heard Jongup ask.

Yongguk slammed the paint brush on the wood and let out tears if frustration.

"I can't do it! No matter how many times I try or how many medications I take, I can't do it," Yongguk cried out.

He froze when he felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around the middle. He looked at the hands and saw the tattoo on Jongup's ring finger.

"It's okay. I know you're frustrated, but you need to keep trying. I'll be with you every step of the way," Jongup told him.

Yongguk smiled faintly. He turned his attention to the unfinished painting.

"But I'm not done," Yongguk stated.

"It will be, though, when you get better. A wise man once told me that it's better to have an unfinished painting than to be left with a ruined one," Jongup recalled.

Yongguk let out a laugh and remembered when he told Jongup that when he kept painting at four in the morning.

"You can't use my words against me," Yongguk complained.

Jongup chose to ignore him.

"Come to bed. It's lonely without you," Jongup said, tugging at his hand.

Yongguk took one last look at the painting, then followed him to bed. They left the art room and towards their bedroom. They got in and Jongup instantly went to sleep. Yongguk, however, stayed awake for a few more minutes. He knows the outcome of this story. He knows what's going to happen to him.

When the time is right, he'll explain it to Jongup. One day.

\-----

Yongguk's memory was getting a bit worse. He didn't remember celebrating Jude's seventh birthday, but here he is, celebrating his eighth. His birthday passed, but they were holding a small party with just the two of them because Jude is still afraid of strangers. He was already in elementary school, and it's scaring him that Jude is going to grow up and Yongguk won't even notice.

"Happy birthday, Jude," Jongup greeted, hugging him tightly.

"Daddy, you're squishing me," Jude said.

Jongup only laughed and kissed all over his face.

"It's because I love you. Now, what do you want for your birthday?" Jongup asked.

Yongguk saw Jude thinking really hard what he wanted, but he wasn't sure if he was actually thinking hard or just pretending.

"A book!" Jude exclaimed happily.

"A book? Well, we have something that might be what you want," Jongup said.

Jongup turned to Yongguk, and he's terrified of what Jongup is about to ask him.

"Where did you put the present?" Jongup asked.

Yongguk didn't know. He tried to rack his brain to figure out where, exactly, he placed the present. He held up one finger and went into the hall closet. It was mostly where he hid things from time to time and he hoped he's right.

The present was, thankfully, in there.

He grabbed the brightly wrapped present and began to walk towards the kitchen, until he began to feel light headed. Yongguk steadied himself against the wall and took in shallow breathes. The last thing he saw was him falling to the floor and Jongup rushing over to him.

\-----

When Jongup entered the hospital room, he first looked at the dull beige wall, then the brilliant white tiles. His eyes trailed to his husband, so peaceful and so calm. He walked towards him and felt tears brimming at the corner of his eyes.

"Hey. Why are you crying?" Yongguk asked weakly.

"You collapsed on our kitchen floor. You're in a hospital bed right now. I deserve the right to cry," Jongup weakly joked.

Yongguk smiled softly at hi, then looked around the room, frowning.

"Where's Jude?" Yongguk asked him.

"He's with your sister. Guk, he didn't want to see you like this. He's only eight," Jongup answered.

Yongguk nodded his head. Not so long ago, he was in Jude's position.

"Hey, you'll be fine, okay. Once they see that you're fine, they'll discharge you and we can be able to go home. We can watch all the shitty movies together. We can even watch that one movie Jude has been begging for us to see," Jongup told him, clutching Yongguk's hand.

"I should've told you a long time ago," Yongguk breathed out.

Jongup furrowed his eyebrows.

"T-tell me what?" Jongup demanded.

"When I was nine, my dad was in the same predicament I am in right now," he explained.

Jongup heard the story before. Yongguk's father died just a month after Yongguk's tenth birthday. He didn't pry too much, seeing as how the subject was a bit touchy and Yongguk didn't like talking about his dad.

"He was suffering, too. It started with the hand shakiness, loss of recent memories, dizziness, he even collapsed in front of me. My siblings and I didn't know what was going on until my dad was in the hospital. Apparently, he has some rare disease that affects the brain and it's very hard to catch. My mom demanded that they do blood tests on us to figure out what sort of chance we have to having it," Yongguk continued.

"What was your chance?" Jongup asked him.

"I was 31%. Yongnam was 24% and Natasha was 9%. Low numbers, I know, but my mom was still worried that we'd catch it anyway. My dad passed away a month after mine and Yongnam's birthday. It was a harsh blow, since we all thought he was getting better. It turns out my dad lied to help ease the blow of the harsh reality. He wasn't getting better, it turned out, and he only had a few short weeks to live.

"When I was twelve, I began to feel dizzy. My mom got worried and took me to the hospital to figure out what was going on. It turned out my dad gave me a small parting gift before he left," Yongguk breathed out.

Jongup felt the tears trailing down his cheeks and held Yongguk's hand in his.

"The doctors saw that it was small, and that they're able to remove it. However, when they were done operating, it turns out that they were able to reduce the illness later rather than sooner. I told myself that I would never fall for someone so they can't get hurt in the end. And then I met you," Yongguk told him.

Jongup finally cracked and sobbed onto the bed, clutching his hand tightly.

"I should've told you in the beginning. I'm sorry," Yongguk breathed out.

"Why are you apologizing?" Jongup asked him.

"Because then you wouldn't have fallen in love with me," he answered.

Jongup choked out a laugh and attempted to wipe away his tears.

"Idiot. I still would've loved you. No matter what stands in my way, I will always love you. In sickness and in health, remember," Jongup recited.

Yongguk gave him a soft smile.

"I know. And that still scares me. I want you to live a life that doesn't include me. I want us to be a normal couple with normal problems. You didn't sign up for my illness," Yongguk told him.

"I know, but that doesn't matter. You didn't sign up for this, either. I'm still here no matter what. Please don't shut me out again," Jongup pleaded.

Yongguk felt Jongup lacing his fingers with his own. Yongguk kissed the back of Jongup's hands and looked up at him.

"I'll continue to fight, but I can't promise the outcome," Yongguk promised.

To Jongup, that was good enough.

\-----

A few weeks have gone by. Many people visited Yongguk in the hospital. Mostly to see how he was doing. And then they would ask how Jongup was doing. He could be better, but he's still scared about the possibility of Yongguk not getting better, but he didn't dare voice his opinions.

He must've fell asleep, because Jongup was woken up by the doctor. He looked up and felt his back beginning to strain from the chair. He sat up and began to stretch out his back.

"I need to talk to you," the doctor said.

Jongup furrowed his eyebrows and sat up. He followed the doctor outside the halls and saw that it was completely empty, besides a few nurses who were running back and forth between patients.

"Mr. Bang, we won't know how to say this-"

"Is it his illness? Did you find a cure?" Jongup asked.

The doctor was silent. That scared Jongup more than anything.

"We were looking through his scans and, to be honest, we're surprised he's lasted this long. His illness has spread in his brain that even with the best of our people working, he can't be cured. Not even the best medicines can help," the doctor explained.

"What are you saying?" Jongup asked, although he already knows what is actually going on.

"What I'm saying is that you should get ready to say your goodbyes. Tell his family and friends what is going on, too. They will wish to know what is going on," the doctor answered.

Jongup felt his heart breaking. He broke down and began to cry. It wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. Why does Yongguk have to leave him.

"When… how long?" Jongup asked, not exactly sure how he was going to word his question.

"A week, maybe? A few days? It's hard to tell with how rare his disease is. For now, I would suggest that you make this moment last," the doctor said

Soon, the doctor left and left Jongup alone with Yongguk.

Meanwhile, Yongguk opened his eyes and saw Jongup talking to his doctor. Their words were hushed, but he could read Jongup's body language. After all the years they have been together, he knew exactly what Jongup is feeling, so he knows what the doctor has told him. He gently sat up and waited for Jongup to reenter the room. After a few tense minutes, Jongup entered the room, wiping away his tears.

"How long do I have?" Yongguk asked.

Jongup was startled by Yongguk's voice, but calmed himself down.

"He thinks it'll be a few days or weeks. He doesn't know, but he knows it's short," Jongup answered.

Yongguk knew his time wasn't going to last long. He could feel his lifeline falling so short.

"Jongup, I need you to do something," Yongguk said.

Jongup walked up to the bed and held the older's hand.

"Hold me," Yongguk requested.

Jongup felt his body being pulled by Yongguk's force. He crawled into bed and held Yongguk's head close to his chest.

"I don't want you to go," Jongup pleaded.

"I know."

Jongup kissed Yongguk one last time before he finally went to sleep, with Yongguk's forehead against his and entangled themselves to form one person.

\-----

The next day, Jongup heard the one thing he didn't want to hear.

Flatline.

He looked down and saw that Yongguk wasn't waking up. He wasn't breathing. Jongup let out a cry in anguish and clutched Yongguk close to him. He can't be dead. He was given time.

Everything seemed to be like it was in slow motion. He felt the nurses ripping him off Yongguk and struggling to take him into the hallway. The nurses and doctors were trying everything they can to revive him. Jongup, however, knows it's too late.

Yongguk passed away holding onto Jongup.

He's dead.

And he's not coming back.

\-----

Jongup stared at the unfinished painting and felt something ache in his chest. The tears fell from his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I thought I'd find you here," he heard Junhong say.

Jongup didn't bother to look up. He continued to stare at the unfinished painting.

"I remember that. Yongguk was so excited to start it. He said that he would dedicate it to the person that stuck by him. He was going to dedicate it to you," Junhong explained.

"He told me. He got so mad at me when I told him to stop, that it was going to be there when he woke up," Jongup recalled, remembering that particular fight.

The two sat in silence, staring at the painting.

"I should've let him finish," Jongup muttered.

"No, you did the right thing in not letting him continue. He was sick and he refused to take his medicine. What would happen if he messed up? Like he said; better to have an unfinished painting than a ruined one," Junhong told him.

Jongup smiled weakly, letting the fresh tears leak from his eyes.

"I miss him so much. Who's going to stop me from drinking my dirty paint water? Who's going to help me gain my confidence back when I feel like shit?" Jongup questioned, getting up from the stool.

Junhong gave him a sad smile and pulled his friend into a hug. Jongup clutched on to him and let the tears fall.

"Hey, he was suffering, okay. He's in a better place. I'm not saying that you should feel better right away, but please remember that you have friends, too. We're here for you if you need to talk. And you have Jude. I'm sure he'll be with you every step of the way," Junhong told him.

"Daddy," a small, timid voice called out.

The two turned around and saw Jude standing in front of the art room. Jude looks so different than when he first arrived to their home. He looks taller, more grown up.

"Jude, I thought you were asleep," Jongup said, walking over to him and knelt down so that they were a bit eye leel..

"I couldn't sleep. Daddy, when is Appa coming home?" Jude asked him.

Jongup bit his lip and took a deep breath. He knew he needed to tell Jude what happened, but it still pained him.

"He's… he's not coming back," Jongup explained.

"Why?" Jude asked.

Jongup felt his tears falling from his eyes.

"Appa was suffering very much. He's in a better place where he's not suffering," Jongup said.

Jude looked confused, but only nodded his head. Jongup will tell him when he's older. In fact, he'll tell him everything. About how he fell in love with the man who didn't want to fall in love. About a man who wasn't afraid to die, even though his eyes always told him a different story.

For now, he'll continue to live. To live for himself, and for their son.

 

_There was a long pause before I responded:_

_It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me—said all at once._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, so it wasn't as angsty as i would have wanted, but it does have a sad ending. thank you for reading and i'll see you next time.


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